Endless times about that presentation next week. Worrying in bed at night about that clumsy conversation from the day before yesterday. Worrying can really ruin your life. What is it, why do we do it and how do you do it? Worry knows different appearances. You can think for a long time about things that could go wrong in the future. This usually leads to stress and anxiety. You can also worry about things that have already happened and about your own feelings and thoughts. This is also called ‘rumination’ and often leads to gloom and feelings of powerlessness.
Good to know: worrying about the future is not the same as consciously preparing for something you find exciting. The latter is healthy and sensible. While worrying is bad for your head and your body.
So why does our brain do it anyway? Worrying is not a choice. We automatically invent unpleasant scenarios for future events. Or negative interpretations of things that have already happened. By worrying about this, the brain is temporarily relieved. Like: yes, we are working on it.
The annoying thing is that you are not really working meaningfully, because the analytical part of your brain is counteracted by the worry factory in your head. Moreover, we spend much of our worry time on problems that don’t exist and on disaster scenarios that will never materialize.
Some people lie awake at night worrying. That’s not surprising. When there are distractions – work, family, Netflix – you worry less. But if you are alone with your thoughts, in bed at night, the worrying will automatically return. Extra tricky: at night, the part of our brain that controls our emotions and thoughts is less active.
What are you doing? Psychologists Marleen Derks and Bart Verkuil both wrote a book about worrying. Based on their work and some review articles: seven tips.
1. Simply telling yourself to stop worrying won’t work. It’s like pushing a soccer ball under water. If you don’t pay attention for a while, the negative thoughts will come back all the harder.
2. If you’re worried about your worrying behavior, it helps to keep a worry diary for a few weeks. When do you worry, about what, how long, how often? This reduces worrying and helps to determine a further approach.
3. Avoid triggers. For example, if scrolling through LinkedIn leads to worrying about your career, just watch old-fashioned cat videos on YouTube when you have nothing to do.
4. Make a list of activities that positively distract you. A nice book, a walk, a conversation with friends. Tell yourself: if I start worrying, I’ll grab my list.
5. Choose fixed moments for reflection. If you find yourself worrying too much about something for too long, schedule a moment in your calendar to consciously and purposefully work on it. Possibly together with others.
6. Have a discussion with yourself. If your internal brooder is lost in doom and gloom, call him to order with your rational self. Ask yourself (aloud) questions such as: how real is this problem, can I do something about it myself, how can I arrive at a real solution?
7. If you worry a lot and worry about that too, it may be a signal that you need to seek professional help. And if this idea also stresses you out, then perhaps you should make such an appointment.
Ben Tiggelaar writes weekly about personal leadership, work and management.
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of April 29, 2023.