In two very different research questionnaires I was asked the question ‘How often have you felt calm and tranquil during the past month?’ One was from an academic hospital that wanted to know the psychological impact of damage, the other from the Groningen Social Planning Office.
The answers can vary from ‘never’ to ‘always’ and degrees in between that I always find very difficult, and in any case I find this a difficult question. Because what is ‘calm and tranquil’? I don’t even know that anymore. Is sitting working on a newspaper piece calm and peaceful? It can sometimes make me quite nervous. I also sometimes rant at the drawer where there is all kinds of rubbish besides the keys! why is this here! when I’m in a hurry and want to find my car key right away – am I calm and peaceful? Or do I suffer from irritability, that is another question: ‘How often in the past 4 weeks have you suffered from the following complaints: stomach pain, irritability, headache, palpitations, poor sleep, dizziness, nervous or tense feeling and oh yes: coughing or sore throat?’
Apparently the researchers assume that I could have all kinds of nervous complaints. And they also assume that my answer is related to what they want to know, and not to my hastiness, my carelessness, my occasional headache for as long as I’ve been alive, or someone else’s constant bad sleep. (Not me, I’m a great sleeper. No matter what happens. Well, an earthquake does keep me awake for a while, I admit, but then it’s back to zzz and zzzz).
I always wonder how researchers draw conclusions from the data, or the hesitations and doubts you saddle them with by ticking ‘rarely’ ‘usually not’ ‘I don’t know’.
I like to fantasize about moving, just because it’s fun to fantasize about moving. So when the research agency asks if I think about that, I have to say in good conscience: often! but that has nothing to do with what they want to know: how the earthquake problem affects my life. I’m just a fantasist.
Do you have to keep joking and saying: no, I am never irritable, I am always calm and quiet, I never think about moving? Because the researchers actually don’t want to know how I feel, but how ‘people’ feel in circumstances that also happen to be mine?
The external damage resulting from an operation does not make me nervous, it has a different influence. Does that prevent you from social contacts? the study asks. No. But I am more depressed – is that true? And is that why? Even completing your own questionnaires is almost impossible. Let me say that I have started to feel differently about myself in a way that is not so easy to define. Less self-confidence, more shy, is that something for the questionnaire? How often do you feel shy? Seldom.
Or very often? But that was always the case.
In the meantime, I eagerly read the results of such studies. ‘Groningers are generally very satisfied with their living environment’ and yes, I am too. In fact, Groningen residents appear to feel much the same way as all other Dutch people, and that is hardly surprising. Averages are always kind of average, that’s why they are there.
On average, I am as calm and collected as anyone else.
A version of this article also appeared in the October 9, 2023 newspaper.