Bianca is really quite a teenager, even though she is 18. She often looks dissatisfied and says boredly, “Is that all?” When an adult calls her on something, she doesn’t keep agreements, doesn’t do anything, but demands money for a summer jacket – in short, I often get quite annoyed with her. Although she also has nice sides, let’s be honest.
She doesn’t exist at all, she’s a character in the cozy Swedish modern-life series Bonus families on Netflix. That’s the strange thing about series, for a while you start to more or less believe in the people you see. But I also look with a curious “Oh, this is how things are going now?” look, because all those people are younger and in situations that I am not in, and because Swedes seem quite similar to the Dutch to me.
What strikes me the most (besides that no one ever reads a book) is how much everyone constantly praises and verbally loves each other. “I think you’re a great girl,” Bianca’s father’s second wife says to her. (Oh yes? this viewer thinks, why?), but actually everyone turns out to be very fantastic, good, great and excellent all the time. Also, many conversations between family members end with the warm assurance that they love each other.
Have I ever said “I love you” to one of my parents or did they say “I love you” to me? No, as far as I know. Would I want that? No. I don’t doubt at all that they do, and I’m sure they don’t doubt my love either. My brothers and I don’t say things like that, although we sometimes show that we feel for each other.
Many people say they save the word or feeling of love for their family, but I really love some of my friends too. There is even one friend who I sometimes talk to almost say “I love you” but then I think he will think that is an exaggeration, he is not very expressive of feelings, so I just don’t say it.
I always thought it was so American, that “I love you” was so exaggerated.
And that they think each other is great, hm, also exaggerated (geez, what a grumpy person you can turn out to be if you compare yourself to such carefree characters). But maybe, I’m trying to think now, it’s not that exaggerated. Of course, praising someone doesn’t hurt. Show that you appreciate someone.
Bianca recovers greatly from the kind words of her bonus mother, and I suddenly understand that she felt quite insecure about her own place, now that father is so absorbed in his new wife and child. So are all those compliments thrown around freely also a matter of empathy? Certainly partly yes. And while understanding doesn’t have to be accompanied by the statement that you are great and fantastic, it is nice to be seen and appreciated, as long as it doesn’t come with the feeling of being a stroopwafel brush.
It will mainly be a matter of upbringing and culture. Apparently I live in a world where people love each other mainly silently. That doesn’t mean that no one ever expresses themselves, but I don’t think I would really enjoy hearing a fully automatic declaration of love at the end of every conversation. I think that’s a bit shabby.
So I’m not going to, now that I’ve seen how others do it (well, characters in a series), suddenly startle those close to me by shouting at them: I love you! They just have to believe that.