Column | Suicide – NRC

While last week in our country we were mainly concerned with the recognizable baby from the BBB who wore her sweater upside down and inside out. And of course with the naughty ‘Catholic sneak’ from the NSC who not only borrowed the informateur’s car, but also his driver. Meanwhile, somewhere above the Arctic Circle in Russia, preparations were being made to expertly kill a longtime irritating Putin critic.

Surprising? Not really. Although I did not immediately expect that spectacular carjacking of the not so long ago saint of Saint Peter Omtzigt. I thought that was the most surprising news this week. He seemed too Catholic and cultured for that.

It’s noble that they tried to resuscitate poor Alexey, who became unwell after an innocent walk. Or should the Siberian prison authorities say that they had done so? Would they otherwise also receive an injection or a cup of tea made with nerve gas?

In the meantime, I read that the cosmetics mafia has come up with anti-wrinkle cream for 11-year-olds and that it is an incredible TikTok success. The stuff can’t be dragged around. Tankers full of this rubbish roam the increasingly quiet oceans to protect our teenagers and teenage girls from deep depression. Otherwise they will commit suicide en masse.

A tsunami of reactions from the bigwigs to the murder of dissident hero Navalny is flooding the internet. Putin is clearly the murder suspect for almost everyone. Although some political leaders react differently. Joe Biden considers it a major blow to Venezuela and condoles with colleague Vladimir Mitterrand for this sad loss. Thierry Baudet thinks that Navalny clearly asked for it himself, Kim Jong-un is talking about a victory for the Russian people and Netanyahu thinks that we should not whine about a dead thing more or less.

In the meantime, our own Kim Putters was having a nice chat with the experienced Herman Tjeenk Willink, who we can safely call an expert in the field of training. He was still playing with Beatrix. The formation duo talked about a possible extra-parliamentary cabinet, while no one in The Hague knows what exactly is meant by that.

Is there a rush to form a new government? I don’t have that impression. Around the Binnenhof they are mainly busy with the spring holidays. It is probably the last year that skiing can still be done on the few remaining snow. You should take advantage of that now.

My best friend told me about his last winter holiday in some tacky Swiss resort that was overrun by fat, drinking Russians with slutty Botox bitches in ruthless fur coats. They lunched noisily with bottles of Château Petrus worth thousands of euros each, which they drank only half of it. They threw the rest in with the Coke. Perhaps they were already celebrating the announced death of poor Navalny, who had made it difficult for these scum for years by brutally exposing them.

In the meantime, I read that Alexey made jokes to his judges the day before his death. Judges? Tragic puppets of the Kremlin. Have these jokers laughed at his jokes yet? Or did they tell suspect Navalny that he should not mock this court, which is respected by everyone.

While I wonder if Navalny didn’t commit some kind of suicide when he voluntarily returned to Russia in 2021 because he knew it was the end of him. Suicide was still called ‘suicide’ by Koot & Bie. I now hear about a gossip from a so-called juice channel who has announced that he wants to end his life. I think of his victims who thought the same thing when he dumped the nastiest filth on their lives onto the Internet.

I think all kinds of things, but I hold myself back.

The Russian authorities are still unsure about where to put Navalny in the ground. They don’t want too much attention. Tying the atomic bomb in space seems like the best solution to everyone in the Kremlin. Then it will soon be spread over a real democracy.




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