Grab your phone during a lost moment; For years I found this socially acceptable behavior. Recently I’ve been ashamed of it. Not because I have a prehistoric model à la Rutte. No, I am annoyed by the need to immediately distract myself with a screen during an awkward moment.
Too early for an appointment? Immediately take away that feeling of ‘I’m here on my own’ by doing something on the phone. Metro hasn’t arrived yet? God forbid I get bored for a moment.
That hunched posture, a thumb flying across the screen, blue light in the bowls. A junkie, at the mercy of ad companies that make addictive apps. Scarce attention as currency for a shot of dopamine. It looks pathetic, like that on the platform. Yes, there is shame.
It is good that responsible citizens are starting to address each other about this. Recently, I was at the campsite in the evening sun. Birdsong in the background. Sip wine, read a book. Anyway, take a look at the phone. The neighbor from three tents away walks by. “Are you on your phone again boy?” Immediately a disapproving tsssk after it. Considered defense, but she persevered. “You look like my daughter.”
How is this shame spared me and others?
Expressing the intention to use the mobile less is not enough. The war between the addictive nature of the telephone and my quest to resist it has been going on for fourteen years now. I’ve lost most of the battles. Avoiding a collision sometimes works by not wearing the phone on your body. Then I can forget about it for a few hours.
But in this battle, it’s boundless overestimation to expect to single-handedly face hundreds of product executives in Silicon Valley and other hubs figuring out how to lure you back.
Capitulation is a possibility. By using an old Nokia like the Prime Minister. Not really a sustainable strategy. Just try to function smoothly in society without a smartphone – it is getting more and more complicated. Even if you don’t have to keep text messages for the national interest.
I think the answer lies in confronting what lies behind the addiction. British writer Oliver Burkeman makes an appeal in his book 4000 weeks. Your time on earth and how to deal with it† Don’t avoid boredom, he writes.
When bored, “you run into the realization that your grasp of time is limited.” “You have to honestly realize that you are going through this experience right now, right now. You have to come to terms with the realization that this is it.” Not immediately looking for distraction on Instagram, but accepting that boredom is uncomfortable, gives a “sober sense of freedom”. “The paradoxical reward for accepting the limitations of reality is that they no longer feel so oppressive.” Wallowing in boredom sounds better than flight. That sounds like personal growth.
On a platform I peer into the distance. A moment of contemplation during a busy day. It is sovereign. That man, he has enough of himself!
Ernst-Jan Pfauth writes a column here every other week.
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of May 30, 2022