What should have been a fun outing ultimately leaves a deep groove of uncertainty when nude photos of a 14-year-old participant circulate during a Met Heemskerk activity. It is the reason for last week’s parent evening about grooming and sexting in the Spectrum, because youth workers hear similar stories every week.
Grooming is the process by which an adult approaches children online for the purpose of sexual contact, and can be seen as online grooming. Sexting is sending sexually explicit messages via social media. That can be exciting, but goes wrong when it ends up in the wrong hands or is used as a means of blackmail.
Youth worker Frank Smit and youth social worker Laura Sprenger do not have to think long about whether they often encounter this in practice. In unison and resoundingly, the answer is: “Yes, we hear an example every week.”
Circulated nude photo
The impact of this is enormous, they saw it with their own eyes when things went wrong during the activity, says Frank. “Two friends got into an argument with each other, after which one thought it was a good idea to show a naked photo of her friend to the others.”
Without anyone being able to say anything about it, the photo was shoved under their noses. “It turned out that the photo had already been in circulation at school some time ago. In a fit of love, the victim sent it to her boyfriend. And when they broke up, he used it incorrectly.”
“In a fit of infatuation, the victim sent it to her boyfriend. And when they broke up, he used it incorrectly.”
Impact
At school it had subsided, but the argument sparked it up again. “This has made her extremely insecure,” Frank emphasizes. “Later at another sporting activity, she actually didn’t even dare to be there. It made such an impact.”
Laura adds: “She couldn’t be herself, a fourteen-year-old girl, without having the feeling of constantly having to look over her back and say: ‘Oh, will he do something or will he take a photo?'”
Parent evening
It was clear to the youth workers that they had to do something about this, because even for them it turned out to be difficult to act in such a situation. “We wanted to learn more about this, but also give parents tools. How do you start the conversation? And how do you keep an eye on what your child is doing online? There are so many apps, it is sometimes impossible to keep up,” says Frank.
This resulted in a parents’ evening with Qpido, part of Levvel, an organization that provides information about safe sexual upbringing for young people. And social media is now part of that, explains Hanneke Versteeg, youth social worker at Qpido and a mother herself.
She says about her children: “They are under my care until they are eighteen. I educate them about the dangers of alcohol, drugs and social media, that too. It is now just part of their upbringing.”
“They are under my care until they are eighteen. I teach them about the dangers of drink, drugs and social media, too.”
Danger
How important this information is will quickly become clear from a few examples. Danger can even hide in an innocent-seeming chat, part of a My little Pony game, Versteeg explains.
“Groomers are very manipulative and cunning. They gather information about the victim, meet needs and appear to be a friend and then they push your boundaries for the purpose of abuse.”
She has seen garages where recruited young girls had to work as prostitutes. “It’s really horrible.”
But even something so intense starts ‘innocently’ and just as well with boys. “Oh, what football club are you at? Ah, do you know that coach? Shall we meet up?” she gives as an example.
“Groomers are very manipulative and cunning”
The parents’ evening concludes with a fictional video in which such situations are reenacted. Afterwards everyone falls silent. “Wow, that’s intense, says one of the parents.”
The message of the evening is clear: banning social media is often counterproductive, so teach them to deal with it. Start the conversation and know what your child is doing.
Do you have any questions? Then you can contact youth worker Frank Smit on 06-43745192 or youth social worker Laura Sprengers on 06-19935966.