Brabanders are increasingly opting for a traditional funeral. Only four percent of Brabanders want to hold the farewell service in a church, mosque or synagogue. This is evident from the ‘National Investigation into Death’ that funeral director DELA had carried out. “A new generation of people is coming who want things differently,” says Joy van Delft of DELA.
Van Delft has been a funeral director since 2007 and has seen many changes in sixteen years. “People are increasingly opting for cremation and the traditional funeral in Catholic Brabant is becoming less and less common. The older generation that still wanted these funerals is almost gone.”
Of the 100 to 120 funerals she does in a year, only one or two are very traditional: in church with a slice of cake. The rest choose a different way of saying goodbye.
“People are afraid to lie alone.”
Cremations are by far the most popular, according to the research. More than sixty percent of Brabanders want to be cremated. The main reason, according to Van Delft: “People are afraid to lie alone in a cemetery and that no one will come to their grave. Today’s generation believes that you can commemorate anywhere. People prefer to keep their loved ones with them. For example, in the form of a piece of jewelry or a tattoo.”
Where do the people of Brabant want their funeral?
- 4 percent in a church, mosque or synagogue (national: 11 percent)
- 29 percent in a funeral home/crematorium (national: 28 percent)
- 15 percent want to choose a place themselves, such as a village hall or sports canteen (national: 14 percent)
- 22 percent want to let the surviving relatives choose (national: 17 percent)
- 4 percent at home (national: 5 percent)
Burial or cremation?
- 61 percent want to be cremated (nationally: half)
- 18 percent choose a funeral (national: 28 percent)
Burial in nature or interment of ashes in a natural cemetery is gaining ground. “You don’t have to worry about a stone, you just get a wooden disc,” says Van Delft. “It really is an eternal resting place. You become one with nature.”
A natural cemetery also helps people deal with their fear of death. “That environment softens. It’s a nice place to go back to. People bring a picnic basket. I know parents who sit down with their deceased child.”
“Grandma is in a treasure chest.”
According to Joy van Delft, people from Brabant are quite open about death. For example, we dare to talk about it more easily with our children. Seventy percent of Brabanders think it is important to involve the youngest generation.
“Involving children is very nice and valuable. You cannot protect a child from saying goodbye. You can also learn from children how to deal with death. I once spoke to a child who said that grandma was in a treasure chest. I thought that was so beautiful. I still use that example.”
“He sat there so alone, but he also felt supported.”
Sustainability is also becoming increasingly important. An electric hearse, a coffin made of mushrooms or a digital funeral card are already being used. “It’s mainly the little things right now,” she says. “But I have had funerals that were really very sustainable. A box woven with Dutch willow wicker. Filled with wool from sheep that had grazed on a Dutch heath.”
Despite her years of experience, Van Delft is still impressed by every funeral. “Every funeral is different, even the traditional one. I’m always impressed when it comes to young people, but old people can also touch me. I recently had a couple: the wife had died. There were no children. They had been married for sixty years and he had given her sixty red roses just before she died. He sat there so alone. But he also felt supported.”