PFor us adults who know a lot. Anyone who has read the second episode of these Notes (December 2021) knows how I think about Santa Claus. I wouldn’t have gone back to it if increasingly worried and worrying invitations to parents not to lie to their children about the existence of Santa Claus had not promptly reappeared during the holidays, Elves, Befane and other characters from our and other traditions.
Santa Claus, that symbol necessary for imagination
You will tell me: here it is again with Santa Claus! With everything that happens in the world, with millions of girls and boys suffering and dying from wars, hunger, diseases, violence of all kinds, we are talking about that minority part of childhood that can afford the luxury of celebrating Christmas or any other major family holiday celebrated in your country.
Imaginary characters and reference to reality
I understand you and I accept the criticism. It is well established that believing or not believing in Santa Claus & Co. is not the most serious problem that afflicts childhood but is above all a splendid source of income for those who produce and sell products and services suitable for the occasion, there is a ‘but ‘ which is very close to my heart: why, every time children show their natural tendency to create or believe in the existence of imaginary characters, there is always some adult who jumps and warns us sternly about the serious dangers our children would incur if they were not brought back to reality as soon as possible?
Illusion and the right to fantasy
I have probably carried this question with me ever since, in very distant times, I was a child and I was convinced of the existence of all sorts of products of my imagination. There was always someone who took the trouble to explain to me more or less good-naturedly what real life is like and others, usually schoolmates who were more ‘savvy’ than me, who made fun of me for how I defended my beliefs.
Today it seems to me that the issue is addressed by some with too much seriousness and harshness, forgetting how much It is natural for a human being, newly born into the world, to believe that everything, absolutely everything, in his environment is living, people, animals, things, visible and invisible.the. We adults have forgotten these early years or they were told to us by other adults who lived with us, usually busy promoting and exalting the achievements of our growth and not paying attention to understanding how nature has, over the millennia , perfected our soft landing on Earth.
Fantasy and lies are different things
In the pre-Christmas period it is not uncommon to read headlines like this one in the press (December 13): “How to apologize to your children for lying about Santa Claus” But there it goes.
What excuses? What lies? If only these were the lies we tell and continually tell ourselves!
He responds well Gramellini (Corriere della Sera, 7 December 2023):
“Two primary school teachers, in Genoa and Coverciano, explained in class that Santa Claus does not exist, causing a trail of childish tears and parental indignation. The deniers intended to ferry pupils into the scientifically tested world of adults. Perhaps it would have been better to wait for preadolescence to run its course, but the problem is broader and does not only concern children. One of the greatest authorities on the subject, Giacomo Leopardi, argued that, if illusions are false, the same cannot be said about the need to delude oneself, a fundamental part of the human condition”.
But can you really live without illusions?
I do not think so. In my work experience I have been able to see that the More serious depression is also characterized by the total inability to produce illusions. We are tireless producers of illusions, whether deep-rooted or fleeting. As Leopardi taught us, let’s not confuse the validity or otherwise of illusions with the need to delude ourselves which, if not satisfied, leads us to desperation (= loss of hope).
Only children see the world as it really is
Speaking of the “scientifically tested” world of adults, I would like to point out a little piece of news that most people will have missed, coming from scientists who are researchers in the field of visual perception (the underlining is mine):
“Only children see the world «as it really is»
Sight is not just the perception of external stimuli, but is influenced by memory: the vision of the world is the result of the fusion of these two elements. Research published in Cognitive Science by Israeli and American psychologists, indicates that this phenomenon is much more marked in adults than in children. It is as if children were able to perceive environmental stimuli in a more basic way, without interference from memory and previous experiences.
How memory and perception change
«Our experiment provides new information evidence on how the interaction between memory and perception changes over the course of life» say the researchers of School of Psychological Sciences of Tel Aviv University. As we gain experience, in this case with visual perception, but the same is likely to happen in other domains, we tend to make more use of previous experiences and less of actual perception.”
Let’s not confuse the normal gullibility of children with ours as adults. They are born as follovers of nature, we adults seriously risk becoming, if we aren’t already, followers of all the highly skilled hucksters who tell us how to livewhat to think, what to believe, what to buy, who to vote for, who to love and who to hate, who to praise and who to despise.
That (insane) collective gullibility
As I write these notes, an article by. appears in the Corriere della Sera Aldo Grasso (24 December 2023)which enriches my reflections on the theme of today’s Notes:
“[…] Influencers (or whoever they are) exist because the credulity of followers is in excellent health, even if no one questions their entrepreneurial skills, their dazzling ability to interpret the times. Barkers have always existed and, for some time, reputation has no longer been a virtue. The real problem is that the flow of the internet has magnified the phenomenon so much as to create a sort of “collective credulity”: people who let themselves be influenced by a video, by the relief of not having to choose, by the need to appear like so many others. [,,,]”.
What to answer to children about Santa Claus
So no dramas about Santa Claus & Co. Let’s leave the children alone, they will have plenty of time to disillusione themselves and replace this illusion with others. If they ask us if Santa Claus exists we have many “non-lying” answers to give: “at your age I believed in it or at least I was happy to believe in it”, “we believe in many things that cannot be seen, Santa Claus with reindeer and all the rest in jingle bells style is unlikely to exist but we like to imagine it alive and well, it has become a ritual. Do you remember what the Fox taught the Little Prince? “We need rituals…”.
+The latter is my favorite because it justifies, among other things, i small family rituals that have been passed on obstinately for a very long time: Nativity scene, Tree, the glass of grappa and a saucer of salt at the window for Santa Claus and his reindeer… The strength of the rite and ritual is independent of the existence or otherwise of Santa Claus & Co. We will find a way to talk about it again.
In this book of mine (The anti-smudge. How I learned to defend myself from the arrogant, Chapter VI) from a few years ago I even invented a pseudo-scientific explanation of the existence of Santa Claus!
Happy 2024.
What is GeA Association, Parents Ancóra
Fulvio Scaparropsychotherapist and writer, is the founder ofGeA Associationfor over 35 years committed to supporting couples in crisis through family mediation.
«In 1987, by founding the GeA Genitori Ancora Association, we began working on a project full of utopia: deal with conflicts, especially family conflicts, not only as destructive events but also as opportunities for growth and transformation of relationships. Help parents in separation to rediscover trust, hope, capacity for understanding and mutual recognition. Spread one culture of mediation from which highly useful results can derive not only for individuals but for the entire community in terms of pacification of social relations and trust in personal and community resources.
Over the years we have found many traveling companions endowed with courage, optimism and a profound awareness that, in schools as in the family, in companies as in institutions, there is an increasingly felt need for mediators who help the parties to negotiate, to look further ahead than a possible immediate victory, to seek alternative solutions to the head-on collision.
Above all, a long and fruitful journey of practice and reflection has been made not only on how, when, in which areas to mediate, but also and above all why it is worth mediating.”
The GeA Parents Association Ancóra ETS in 1989 it created the 1st Italian family mediation training school for public and private operators and in over 35 years of activity the association has trained hundreds of family mediators who have made specific expertise, listening and support available to parents to deal with the complexity of the situation in which they find themselves.
Read all Fulvio Scaparro’s articles on iO Donna here.
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