P.For the children of prisoners, there is nothing more exceptional than normality. “This is why the Match with Dads, which our association has been organizing since 2015, is so important,” he explains Lia Sacerdote, president of the Children Without Bars Association. “Qwhat is normal on the outside, like a football match, done inside becomes extraordinary“. Because it brings both, parent and child, into the daily dimension that simply does not exist for them.
The mothers of the Rebibbia prison also play football
Strengthened by the success of the last edition played, in 2019, with 68 prisons, from Milan to Palermo, and 3150 children involvedthe Match returns this year, starting June 1st, and it also involves mothers for the first timethat is, the women detained in the Rebibbia prison (the game with their children is played on 9 June at 10.00).
No more mothers in prison: the near future
It will perhaps also be an occasion to celebrate the approval at first reading by the Chamber of Deputies of the bill to prevent young children from living in prison following their mothers in prison: for women with cohabiting children under the age of 6, the model of family homes is envisaged. In addition to the absolute prohibition of the application of pre-trial detention in prison for the pregnant woman.
The Game with Dad® 2022 / image Children without bars
How meetings between children of prisoners and parents work
Children without bars has been fighting for over twenty years to ensure that the prison experience is as less traumatic as possible for the children of prisoners. An objective achieved thanks to the Charter of the rights of children of imprisoned parents, signed in 2014 and capable of inspiring the Recommendation of the Council of Europe to member states on the subject: today in Italian prisons there are spaces dedicated to children who visit the detained parent and the officers who preside over the interviews are sensitized and trained to welcome the children. The first yellow space, organized and conceived in this way, was opened in San Vittore in 2007 and has become a model: “Yellow” from the color of the walls, a symbol of awareness.
“Not my crime but my sentence”
“We fought against the invisibility of childhood in the prison system and we have achieved important goals”, explains Sacerdote. «But we cannot ignore that the child, however, enters into that context. For instance, she undergoes a search, albeit a very delicate one, and witnesses that of her mother, who is not so delicate“.
Not only that: in everyday life you “live” as the son of a prisoner: a stigma weighs on him for which he is not to blame. “The fault, it must be said, is not even the parent, who is paying for the crime committed, but the company that judges him.”
Effective is then the title of the network’s European campaign COPE (Children Of Prisoners Europe) in which Game with dad is inscribed: Not my crime but my condemnation. The objective of the associations involved in this sector, and which should belong to everyone, is therefore to bring to the fore the issue of prejudices often suffered by the 100,000 children of prisoners in Italy (2.2 million in Europe).
The prisoner is not his offense. And he can be a good father
But How do you tell a child that you have committed a crime and that you have to go to jail? “What kind of truth can be told? This is the theme », explains Sacerdote. Sensitivity and transparency are fundamental not only for a moral question but for build a relationship of trust“. Finding out on the internet that things didn’t turn out like Dad said is very simple, and very bad. And it undermines the emotional relationship.
(photo Children without bars)
The child’s interest comes first
“After all, outside prison it is the same thing: we try to insist on the inside-outside analogies,” continues the president. “THEThe prison is only a suspension of normal rhythms but then, once the penalty is over, these rhythms resume, and what has been built “inside” will also be valid “outside”“.
In this sense, fathers have to work harder than their children to experience the meeting in prison well: «In theory, 8 hours of interviews per month are possible», explains Sacerdote, «Obviously, these vary according to the type of crime. But also according to the age of the child: the more he grows, the more he needs quality rather than quantity ». The father can then find himself in the position of having to accept not to see a child by choice of the boy, who perhaps preferably, trivially, to go out with his friends. “Accepting that the interview can be a burden for the child is not immediate for a parent in prison but, once the step is taken, the father really goes back to being the father, and everything is easier ».
Why does a football match change your life?
“I haven’t seen my son so happy since the day of his arrest.” “It was a beautiful day even if papi is a bit poor at football.” “When he comes out, we’ll play together again.” These are some of the phrases collected in the past editions of the Match with Dad. Simple emotions, and therefore extraordinary for those who are used to not experiencing them. «As an association we oppose the idea that childhood should be entertained, with wizards, for example, and special effects», Lia Sacerdote concludes:« What changes the day for the children of prisoners is a moment of physical intimacy with the parent on the pitch, a pat on the back for a successful action or a hug for a goal ».
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