THEn extremis, shortly before the closing of the fourth evening of Sanremo 2023, Clare Francini returns to the Ariston stage for his moment. Recite a monologue written by her on motherhood. Eight intense minutes that they remember Letter to an unborn child by Oriana Fallaci, but which are probably the result of thoughts and reflections common to many, many women. A subject that – especially nowadays – is talked about with difficulty.
Chiara Francini in a raw and undiscounted stream of consciousness
“There comes a time in life when it is clear that you have grown up: when a child arrives. I don’t have a son, but it is clear that it is something after which you will no longer be as young as when you were 16. And there’s a moment when everyone around you starts to give birth».
Chiara Francini is at the center of the stage, with low lights. She starts hers stream of consciousness without discounts, rawwhich exposes one truth “fragile and decisive, in contrast as often only life can be”, as Amadeus defined it. «Pregnant. When someone tells you she’s pregnant and you’ve never been, you never know what to do“, goes on.
“There’s like something exploding inside you. A kind of hole in the middle of the vital organs and while all this is happening, you must celebrate. Because pregnant people are violent, they just want to be celebrated and there is no room for your fear, for your loneliness». Here in her words begins to glimpse the sadness mixed with a bitter awareness.
“You think you’ve waited too long, that you’re a failure”
“You have to party like the Christmas tree I keep in my living room. An always lit Christmas tree, absolutely senseless, which continues to turn on its lights even in July. Out of time. A continuous party without any nativity».
She remembers the moment she started noticing that everyone around her has grown up. “What about me?” she wondered. “If I didn’t hurry, I might not have had a child. And that even if I hurried it wasn’t said”. Yes, because the desire to become a mother is sometimes not enough. The body can do «the middle finger and you think you’ve waited too long, that you’re a failure».
Chiara Francini at Sanremo 2023. (Getty Images)
Then he grabs the wheelchair in front of him and addresses the unborn child. «I would like to know how I do with you, child. You haven’t been born yet, I still don’t even know if I can get you to be born, we already don’t understand each other?». Start imagining him, but above all to give him valuable advice. “I hope you’re gay, but maybe I’d rather you weren’t because it will be more difficult. And I wish it were easy for you».
Tells him to hate. The only weapon to learn how to defend yourself. “He hates. Hate what you should hate. Hate the unjust, hate the bad. Because it’s only with that hatred that things are done. And it’s not true that they are made with love. The bulk is done with deep, visceral, tireless hatred».
“Things in life are never what you expected”
Kindness doesn’t pay. If he was good he would have to spend his whole life looking over his shoulder. Then she warns him: she will never let him sleep with her in the big bed. “I have to be strong enough to let you cry. NoI don’t have to be weak”. The stream of consciousness addressed to the hypothetical son is interrupted to return to itself.
“Somewhere I think I’m a woman of m ** da because I can’t cook, I’ve never married and I have had no children.” A ferocious and dangerous trap that is easy to fall into. “I know it’s not rationally like that, but there’s this rumor. Exists. And in the end I think she’s right, that I’m wrong»,
Imagine growing old with this son, who will remind her «that youth is over. And I think you’ll make me so happy, that you’ll never make me so happy. Because that’s the way things in life are: they’re never what you expected». She closes on an even more bitter note. «And I wait for you and desire you so badly, that you’re bound to be a disappointment. In the midst of all this need to arrive in the midst of this love, this life, perhaps I no longer know where to put you. Or maybe it’s you who doesn’t want to come to me, because you think I’ve forgotten about you, about life. But I just wanted to be good prepared. I just wanted you to be proud of me, even if you’re not around yet. Maybe because you’ve always been there.’
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