Did you hear? Fierce announcement by the new government at the beginning of the year: “The Federal Republic of Germany rejects the peaceful use of atomic energy.” Well … That escalated quickly! One could have thought, and I already had the “Bild” headline in mind: “Traffic light threatens nuclear first strike!” But it was meant differently.
On the radio you said earlier that as an author today you can’t and shouldn’t write about anything other than climate change. I didn’t realize whether that also applies to pop columns, I would certainly have a hard time with it because – just between us – I don’t get hold of climate change at all anymore. I can’t fit him in my nervous costume anymore, just like the “corona critics” with their shit.
I’m in a bad mood now. And when it starts again with statistics about heat records, vaccination gaps and intensive care beds, with reports about burning primeval forests in the Amazon and hassled journalists at “lateral thinkers” demos, then the anxiety or the sinful desire to harm one of those “walkers” a little bit physically, so urgently that I have to tune into the senior pop station – in the hope that Bonnie Tyler is singing and my brain sinks into the cooldown for my generation technically so highly effective 80ies nostalgia.
Dare I say, very quietly: “Chilly Gonzales is easy to get on your nerves”
So please understand if I start a little further down with the problems to be dealt with here. For example: Chilly Gonzales. Do you dare to say, very quietly: “He’s slightly annoying.” Speaking from my personal point of view: When I give a knowledgeable lecture on how sublimely the chord progressions in ABBA interlock, and then talk about the strange image of man and the irritating war metaphor of ” Waterloo” then that is – ugh! – “mansplaining”. Clear.
But when Chilly Gonzales declares on his channel that “Last Christmas” is a pretty good pop song, everyone “celebrates hard”. Because: When Chilly Gonzales just plays “Last Christmas” on the piano and explains where the subdominant is, then you suddenly realize: Hey, that’s a really good pop song! Thank you Chilly We ask for more help. Maybe he can just play “Don’t Look Back In Anger” on the piano, that would surely make some pennies drop, how awesome that is. Or the “St Matthew Passion”. Or Citizen Kane!
Or the Eiffel Tower! Imagine Chilly Gonzales playing the Eiffel Tower on the piano! We would all finally understand how impressive it really is. Or even better: Let Chilly Gonzales play climate change on the piano so that people can finally check that it is totally threatening. Maybe even the FDP! Ah very good. Now I’ve still accommodated the topic.
This column first appeared in the Musikexpress issue 03/2022.