Bianca Smits (52) from Helmond was bullied when she was in primary school. She still experiences the consequences every day. Her son is now 30 and he also had to cope with it at primary school. Bianca thinks they were both singled out because they were small for their age. She tells her story during the Week Against Bullying.
“Yes, I was bullied,” Bianca begins. “It started when I was about 6 and lasted through primary school. I don’t know why I was singled out. I think it was because I was the smallest. The worst moment was when I was met by the bully club and beat up was hit with a wooden plank. I was completely black and blue and could no longer walk straight.”
Bianca felt unsafe at school and not taken seriously at all. “Teachers said, ‘Go visit the bully’s parents.’ As if you dare. When my mother thought it was getting too intense and actually came along, that didn’t change much. Those parents gave the bully a pat on the head, but a day later I saw the club playing happily together again, while I was still could not walk normally.”
“Because of the bullying I can’t say no.”
Things got better in high school, but Bianca had already changed because of the bullying. “I want to please everyone. I can’t say no. I let people walk all over me.” The rest of her life was very difficult. “I was abused, raped and when I worked in a snack bar, I was robbed.”
When Bianca hears herself recounting these events, she sighs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the bullying at primary school made me so vulnerable that I became a target for others with bad intentions. I think you can radiate vulnerability. All in all, it has made me a target for a few years now.” I have post-traumatic stress disorder. I sleep poorly, have nightmares, crying fits and often become introverted. I have had so much therapy and conversations about all this trouble, but I still cannot put it behind me.”
“My son kicked the attacker and was sent out of class.”
The same thing seemed to happen to Bianca’s son. He was also bullied from the age of six. “I think because he is small like me. Once he was threatened with a knife that was used at school. Of course, just when the teacher was out of sight for a moment. My son, out of anger, kicked the attacker from his chair and was was sent out of the classroom. “I wasn’t there, just solve it as parents,” said the school director. This felt so unfair, especially because I had already complained in advance about the use of that knife at school.”
Bianca does not think that her now adult son still suffers from the bullying of the time. “Although I do think he could be a bit more tolerant. If someone has ruined it once in his eyes, things will never be right again.”
Bianca doesn’t believe bullies ever realize what they’re doing. “It has turned me into a scared little bird, while I so desperately want to be free and unapologetic.” She also doesn’t know how bullying can be solved. “Every year I get a bit frustrated during such a campaign week against bullying with posters everywhere in schools, because so little has changed in the meantime. Bullying can continue to have an effect years later. Anyone who realizes that will automatically take action. I hope that my story will help contributes.”