“For me, meeting Ramon at the Enllaç Foundation has been essential to continue living, he is like my brother,” he explains. Enric Murretired from 68 years who has spent half his life hiding his sexual orientation, surrounded by rejection. He listens carefully Ramon Ferrandiz, a 66-year-old retired Fine Arts professor who openly admits wanting to commit suicide but not being brave enough to do so. They merge into a hug at the headquarters of the Fundació Enllaç, the entity where they have met for less than a year, and where they have found friends and activities to carry out with complete freedom. They talk about the loneliness that people from the LGTBI collective suffer more intensely when they reach their third age, as well as the problems they have to fall in love, since love scams and deceptions fly over the collective.
Enric Mur’s story is tinged with pain and freedom in equal parts. “He’s like a phoenix rising from the ashes,” jokes his friend. Mur discovered his homosexuality at a very young age. At school, and at home, they told him that he was sick. “My parents led to psychological and psychiatric therapies, what they now call conversion therapies. Once a month, in France, I they gave electric shocks to correct myself”, he explains. He was 15 years old, and that lasted until he was 20. “I still remember the cables, the downloads… I’m sure it took a toll on me. They could have smashed my head, today I could be in a psychiatric hospital,” she says.
the need to love
Mur never spoke openly with her parents about her sexual orientation. “I never dared, and I always lived with them. I have had couples but he had to see me secretly, on weekends”, adds this retired geriatric assistant. He still remembers today how, during the Franco regime, he would go to public toilets in Plaza Catalunya to meet other guys and have their first sexual relations. Then came the uncovering, freedom. “I remember those years at the Boccaccio, where everything happened: a gentleman could come to you with his wife, he would take you by the leg and he asked you to sleep with him“, says Ferrándiz. They have stories to stop a train. “To me love is a must, but it is not reciprocated. Like a book, you enjoy it even though you know it’s going to end,” continues this man accustomed to heartbreak.
In 1994 Ramón Ferrándiz decided to get away from everything and focus on taking care of his mother, who always understood him. “Until she died, and I was very lonely … although I have always felt that way,” he continues. “You can be surrounded by people and feel deeply alone,” explains Ferrándiz. “I am tired of living, I am tired of everything. Life has let me down”, justify. Mur gives him a kiss on the cheek and thanks him for being by her side. Ferrándiz arrived at Enllaç in 2018, when his mother died. Mur has been with the entity for just one year. “We do activities. we have a chat group to meet peoplee… it’s a place where you know they care about you,” continues Mur.
homophobic nephew
Mur tells Ferrándiz his problems and sorrows, which are many. “My eldest nephew is homophobic: last week he gave me a slapand other day he threw me to the ground“. Mur is a believer and for 20 years he was a catechism teacher. “Until I vented to a colleague and the next day they threw me out: they told me that I was not a good example.” He says that his sister, with whom he has lived , accepts him, but reproaches him for his religiosity. “He tells me, ‘and you consider yourself a good Christian?’ Really, it is that I have cried a lot, “he admits.
love scams
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Now they are both single, they have no children. Ferrándiz no longer has a family and Mur is very upset in it. But rejection also comes from other places. “Sometimes we go to the friendly bars and they call us ‘las gallinitas’, to kick us out early. One day they told us that we had to change our diaper. That they tell you this in front of everyone is not acceptable,” Mur complains. “Just like you need love, you need sex, but today they are not with you more than 15 minutes: everything is fast,” complains Mur, who often visits saunas and nightclubs. He continues to search for love, but it appears in the form of a scam. “They ask you to buy them things, to give them money… and every once again. I’m looking for someone to be happy with,” he adds.
At least they have the support of the local Fundació Enllaç, in Rosselló street. A place where elderly gays, lesbians, trans and bisexual people find a space to meet people like them and be able to get rid of the prejudices of other people of their generation. “With all the attacks that the group is suffering, people my age are afraid to go out,” laments Mur. “Here you know that someone cares about you,” summarizes Ferrándiz.