Jolande Kastelijn had a relationship with Ronald for twelve years, who mistreated her and left her with a debt of 70,000 euros. This week he was sentenced to 5 years in prison for assaulting two other ex-girlfriends for years. “I still regularly dream of him. Those are nightmares, but I am no longer afraid of him. I am now mainly angry.”
A year ago, the police tracked down Jolande, after a report had been made of assault against Ronald. Agents had found out that Jolande had had a long relationship with the suspect 12 years ago. They even have a child together. “I told them about our relationship. In short, it was violent.” Jolande tells her story here in the hope that other victims will leave a toxic relationship sooner.
This statement is included in the file, but not in the tax return. Jolande did not want to go through the entire legal process. When she read that her ex-boyfriend will disappear behind bars for five years, she did feel the need to tell her story. “Especially to explain how it is possible that you do not leave with an abusive partner.”
In fact, Ronald did not leave her behind, but Jolande closed the door, ending their relationship. “He was once again convicted of theft and during his imprisonment I left with my two children after twelve years. My oldest son was adopted by Ronald and together we are the parents of my youngest son.”
She got to know Ronald through his parents, where she played cards regularly. “He moved in with his parents when he was released from prison. That’s how I met him and it clicked. I was really in love with him.” According to Jolande, the first three years of the relationship went fairly well. “Although sometimes something flew to my head, which he then deeply regretted and expressed regret in tears.”
After those early years, the relationship went downhill. According to Jolande, this was mainly due to his secret drug use. “Then he would walk the dog in the evening and only come back in the morning with large pupils. Then the dog had supposedly run away or had a drink with a friend he happened to meet.”
The drug use made him aggressive and irritated. Jolande says that she was beaten with everything that was available at that time. “I was beaten with iron chairs, but also with his fists. I was in the hospital with bruises and a collapsed lung. I always had lumps and bruises.”
According to Jolande, Ronald was good at keeping up appearances to the outside world. “Of course, good friends were aware of this, but everyone was afraid of him. Me too. When a surgeon did not trust it, I denied that I had been mistreated.”
Yet the blows were less severe than the mental humiliations. “After a while I no longer felt any pain, but my self-esteem was gone. I was psychologically crushed by him, I was no good. However, he still expressed regret and tried to save the relationship by weekend away or buy me a gold bracelet. To others we seemed like a great couple, but those bracelets felt so bad on my wrist.”
Her abusive relationship continues to plague Jolande to this day. “I still lock all the windows and doors and dream that he is standing in front of my door, but I don’t feel so scared anymore. Together with my new boyfriend, I paid my debt. We called for help. off my sedatives. I’m back to work and he thinks I’m worth it.”
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