Bas’ exes know what stalking does to you: ‘Always live in suspense’

Bas N. (52) from Eindhoven has been convicted of stalking his ex Loes, but other ex-girlfriends fear the worst. They know Bas all too well and are afraid that he will continue his practices after his treatment in a clinic. “You will never get rid of me,” Bas previously promised his exes.

The past six months have been wonderfully quiet for Tamara and Els. Bas was stuck and could not contact his exes by email, WhatsApp, telephone or whatever. Both women have had a relationship with Bas in the past and were then stalked by him a lot: letters, emails, apps, Facebook messages, everything. Bas also did not shy away from making information about his exes public, putting their telephone number on sex sites or defaming one of the exes to others.

“You can’t think of anything crazy that Bas did it. Even sending jerk-off videos,” say two of his exes. There are thick folders with evidence against Bas on the table in front of them.

“I was always afraid something would happen again.”

Tamara shows seven declarations. Els shows how much Bas emails. Long emails, addressed to dozens or perhaps hundreds of people. From his exes to the top police and judiciary and the minister.

“It sometimes seems as if he has more rights than us,” sighs Tamara. “Where does that leave us, as victims? I had no life anymore. Was always afraid that something would come from him again. He has ordered things in my name, taken out subscriptions, opened Facebook pages and LinkedIn under my name with the craziest accusations about me, harassed my employer and other people at work with stories about me. At one point I even had to quit my job.”

Bas was busy with his ex all day
Bas was busy with his ex all day

Because of all the misery Bas caused, the exes started to form a group of fellow sufferers. “The four of us are in an app group and we also have contact with a few other women and warn each other when he is busy again,” says Els. “We all think it should come to an end, but we are afraid that he will continue as usual once he is out of jail and his treatment is not working well.”

According to the women, Bas’s crazy behavior started at the end of his 25-year relationship. “Due to sleeping problems, he started using the internet at night,” Els says. “He soon found himself on all kinds of sites and social media. He was on dating sites, approached women and, for example, started sending masturbation videos. That’s when it started.”

A psychologist’s report shows that Bas suffers from a delusional disorder. He is autistic and sees things that are not there. He is also quite suspicious. This went well for years, but after he got divorced and lost his job, things went completely wrong.

It is pure revenge and spite, the women know. “At a party, he doesn’t say anything. But on the internet he is lord and master. Then he knows how to win over every woman. And he has an antenna for vulnerable women,” says Els. “And while he was dating one woman, he was stalking the other.”

“Since he got stuck, I feel like myself again.”

“My life has changed because of him,” says Tamara. “The spontaneity is gone. Now that I have had some rest since March, because he is stuck, I feel a bit like myself again. But I no longer tell anyone around me what I have experienced.”

Bas has stalked at least six women, the two exes know. He was previously convicted once and had already been imprisoned for a few months and there is another case ongoing.

Bas can now wait at home until there is room in a clinic. Justice hopes that he can be treated there and stop stalking. A reporting obligation, supervision and a no-contact order should then help to keep the peace.

But Bas’ exes are not yet convinced of that. “Stalking should not be underestimated. People don’t know what something like that does to you. That constant tension, that constant looking over your shoulder. And you should certainly not underestimate him,” they say. “He can act very charming. Who knows how he deceives the practitioners.”

The women just wait, anxious as they are. Because Bas made their lives a real hell. And it was not without reason that he let them know: “You are not going to win against me. I won’t let you destroy me.”