Back to the office: how to survive impossible colleagues

This type comes in different degrees, but all versions have in common that they always go for their own interest at the expense of others. Think of that colleague who is making a loud private call, so that everyone in the open-plan office has to hear about his problems with the energy supplier. Or the one who interrupts and hijacks ideas during the video meeting. Then there is the manipulator, who makes use of helpful colleagues and throws tasks over the fence under the guise of collegiality. Border-crossers are gradually expanding their influence in these ways. Their diligence and loyalty make them indispensable to their executives, who often turn a blind eye to their power plays.

“She takes and takes, but gives nothing back”

Regina (42): “She took me aside and said: I feel a click with you and want to share the following with you. Then she poured out her entire life story to me. About her late husband, her sick child, her new relationship. I remember thinking: wow, how special that she shares all this with me and admirable that she dares to be so vulnerable. But I came back from that enormously, because since then she vented her heart with me almost every day. Even during the lockdown. She did exactly the same with other colleagues. Every online meeting invariably started with her complaining, she’s in some dramatically troubled relationship. In the beginning I still listened and showed understanding, also gave advice when she asked. But every time she whines about the same thing. In doing so, she attracts every topic of conversation. When I look outside and say, “Look at those dark clouds, rain is coming.” Then she says: ‘My mood is also as dark as those clouds, because…’ Then there is another whole story about her new husband, which makes her unhappy. I don’t like that negativity at all. When something bad had happened to another colleague and told about it, that complaining colleague completely waltzed over it. She demands a lot of empathy, but shows zero understanding towards others. She never asks how I am. So now I just ignore her, I don’t respond to her. Although I am normally quite a pleaser, I no longer feel the need to be nice with her. She takes and she takes, why should I give?”

It should be possible to talk to colleagues about personal problems. Asking for help with a difficult job can happen. But energy guzzlers go too far, way too far. They seek support from colleagues to an extent that is not appropriate at work. Like the emotional vampires who draw in every conversation and tell them about their problems in great detail, leaving involuntary audiences emotionally drained. Also incredibly energy-consuming: the worry child that the content can handle the work, but not emotionally, so that colleagues have to help out every time. Energy guzzlers want continuous support. This costs others energy and distracts from their own tasks.

The hot-tempered company manager, where everyone is on their toes to prevent anger outbursts. That colleague who is constantly angry and takes it out on others, who hammers on the keyboard half the day, takes every comment personally and then hits it hard. Bullies want power. They achieve that by scaring others. They are explosive, unpredictable and intimidating. They dominate every meeting or social situation and are not averse to a threat here and there. Most people prefer to avoid conflict and therefore give in quickly. Making bullies increasingly take it for granted to trample on the rights of those they consider weak.

Holds back creative processes and decisions with a pessimistic view of the world. Negatives inflate a minor flaw into a massive lack of competence. Funnily enough, at first glance they seem to have a very competent and critical view of the matter. But listening for longer makes it clear that they actually do nothing: they offer zero solutions or good ideas, they train things up and have a paralyzing effect on their projects as well as on their environment, because the atmosphere does not get any better. Think of the type who talks everything down: “Gosh, it took you so long to do that? Don’t mind it. Are you sure this profession is for you?” Victims sometimes need days to recover from their disapproving and hurtful words.

Is friendly and sweet, but in the workplace this type is of little use, because you can’t rely on it. In an effort to please people and avoid confrontation, avoiders say yes without thinking about it. In short, they agree to tasks for which they do not have the time or for which they are not qualified. Avoiders don’t mean it wrong, there’s no harm in it, but they don’t get the job done. They don’t make decisions, because that way they don’t run the risk of making the wrong one. The avoider procrastinates, misses deadlines, does not keep to agreements and thus abandons colleagues who have to pick up the work.

“I always felt like I was invisible”

Joan (52): “I was new and was trained by a colleague. At first it went well, but she soon became more and more hostile to me. Besides criticizing my work, she also started telling me what to do – which was not her job. She played my boss when we were on the same level. To make matters worse, she also adopted my ideas. Then I suggested an idea during a meeting, and then she tweaked it a bit and suddenly it was her idea. She did this very cleverly, I hardly noticed it myself, let alone that others did. When I confronted her about this, she laughed at me and said I was imagining things.
During discussions she always took the floor, I hardly intervened. To the supervisor she would say something like: ‘We figured out that…’, while she hadn’t thought of anything. She got on well with the management. I, with my more modest disposition, had the feeling of being invisible. She was young, wanted to move up, and she succeeded. When our supervisor suffered a burnout, my colleague succeeded her. A few months later my contract was not renewed. Supposedly because of budget cuts, but I suspect she’s behind it. Maybe she was afraid of competition. Despite all her criticism, I’m sure I was good at my job.”