‘As insecure as 30 years ago, I am so stable now’

Monique van der Weijden: „I lived in Reeuwijk in a house with three floors and a practice. I had no plans at all to move. My son wanted to buy something in Amsterdam. “You’re not going to go along with that craziness,” I said. Five, six, seven tons, it wasn’t enough. Then he arrived with a boat at the Oude Schans. Everyone was immediately enthusiastic and he bought this boat in no time.

“A few weeks later my son called again. “Mom, we’re starting a fleet,” he said jokingly. The owner of his laundromat also turned out to have a boat for sale. We went to see this ship together. I lived for twenty years in a beautiful house on the canal, with a sloop attached. In the middle of nature in a lake area. The city always seemed too busy to me, moving was not really an option at all. But I took one step on this boat and thought: this is my place. The boat is red – my favorite color – and is called Freedom. My company and mission are on the road to inner freedom, so everything came together.

“Many people say: such a boat is not for you, because you have to be a good handyman. That boat has to go to the yard every six years. And very exciting: you buy such a boat, but then you don’t have a berth permit yet. But I do see it.

“When I’m on a boat, I feel at home. It is it cozy feeling of the womb, space is always moving. There are people who ask if I should get used to it. But I’m just at home. I step outside the boat and stand on the market.

“Of course I was also nervous: now I have to ground myself all over again. But I get to know all kinds of nice people. I signed up for a five-day theater ritual for female entrepreneurs. Every evening I go for a walk. Suddenly I’m in the Nine Streets or on Dam Square. A whole new world of theatre, art and museums opens up for me, which is wonderful. I have been very focused on raising my children and work. I enjoyed that immensely. Now I experience more space to fully enjoy the delights of the city.”

Entrepreneurial family

Monique: “I am the second youngest in a family of twelve. They worked at home, a real entrepreneurial family. Sitting on the couch and reading a book was out of the question. We had to rake the yard, wash the car and muck out the stables.

“My father took over my grandfather’s farm and later went into the farm trade. I also worked in real estate, as a branch manager in Alphen aan de Rijn. I had my first child when I was twenty. After the second, I stayed at home with the kids and looked after eight horses and rode dressage. I was busy from early in the morning until late at night. My house was also a kind of cafe. On Sunday I rode dressage competitions, then the four children all went along with me. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it all, but in the end it was way too much. At a certain point I became depressed and ended up with a doctor in Belgium who studied family constellations [alternatieve psychotherapie] did. That was a revelation to me. My oldest brother Martien died after a car accident when he was 23 and I was 11 years old. He was my buddy, took care of me. My mother turned inward after his death. There was no time to mourn in such a large family. I found out in the family constellation that I was carrying grief for my mother. The constellation work brought me a lot of relief. Then I went to therapy. I went NLP [neuro-linguïstisch programmeren] doing, reiki, family constellations. After my divorce, I went on to do a five-year psychosynthesis training in Utrecht. I’ve worked hard.

„In 2005 I started my coaching practice GoMotions. I guide people with existential issues. Who am I? What is the meaning of my life? My clients come once, sometimes three or five times, but usually not more often.

“Two days a week I work outside the door at companies where I facilitate family and organizational constellations. I also see clients in Reeuwijk. Then I get up at half past six and go to Osdorp where my car is. It is not so easy to get a parking permit in the center.

Stable

“In Amsterdam I accompany people at home on my boat. I start the day with emails. Before I start with clients, I sit down for ten minutes and make sure I’ve landed in my own body. Usually I accompany three people a day and I am done around six o’clock. Then I do some administration and I go outside, do my shopping. There is an Albert Heijn around the corner, but what I like best is going to the market on Saturday. I cook every day, healthy, I think it is important that I get enough fruit and vegetables. I just made an appointment with the gym in the Marnixbad to work out.

“Tonight I’m going to eat in a restaurant with a dear friend. I can also sometimes watch a news report via the laptop or follow a wonderful Netflix series. Or I read the newspaper.

“I go to bed around ten o’clock. I just want to be nice and fit in the morning.

“As insecure as I was thirty years ago, that’s how stable I am now. I am incredibly grateful to have healthy children and grandchildren. I live here in an amazing location. If I could change anything, I think I’d still want a nice man. To do fun things together.”

In Rush Hour, couples and singles tell how they combine work and private life. Participate? Mail to [email protected]