“You’re not Santa Claus at all, you’re Uncle Wolfgang.” “Daddy, it’s better not to disguise than this.” “Neighbor, this is honestly the worst stick-on I’ve seen in all my childhood.” “Master, please stop pretending to be Santa Claus, I recognized you from the very first second by your glasses and your floppy ears.” ‘Dear Uncle Franz, if you’re going to tinker together another beard, don’t use the cheapest cotton wool from the drugstore. In this way you are not only completely without a chance as Santa Claus, you are a source of vicarious shame for the whole family.’