An extra bunch of flowers and a nicely raked bed. Many relatives will ensure that next Wednesday, with All Souls’ Day, the graves of their deceased loved ones are neatly placed. Because a visit to the cemetery stands for sad, beautiful, harrowing and loving memories. Stories that everyone has or knows. In part 1 of the series ‘Brabant mourns’, Isabella Siemons from Breda tells about the loss of her two-year-old daughter Liv.
Autumn colors Zuylen cemetery in Breda in beautiful red and brown. The temperature is still mild. All the suffering and sorrow that lurks here has almost been forgotten. Certainly with the appearance of the smooth Isabella Siemons who completes the picture. But left around the corner, at the children’s cemetery, she also appears to be carrying a burden.
Isabella lost her 2-year-old daughter Liv exactly ten years ago to a combination of heart defects and kidney cancer. “I think about Liv every day,” she says. “In the beginning I obliged myself to do that, but that is not sustainable. Grief comes when it comes and then it may be there. My sadness is not stronger now that I am standing here at her grave.”
“Her kidneys appeared to stop working and eventually the heart stopped.”
Isabella also makes sure that Liv’s grave looks nice and puts a white rose on it. Not especially for All Souls’ Day, but because it gives a good feeling. One by one, she plucks the autumn leaves from the adjacent grove.
“Her death was actually very unexpected”, Isabella looks back on the day in May that the only two-year-old Liv died. “It actually went very well and we were going to start the chemo again. But out of nowhere she became very pale. My mother’s instincts did not trust that and we called the ambulance. Her kidneys were no longer working and other organs also fell out. Eventually her heart stopped.”
“Everything after that passed in a flash,” Isabella continues. “But I can still remember every detail. Where everyone was at the funeral and how she lay. It will always stay with me.”
The children’s cemetery is without doubt the most emotional place in Zuylen cemetery. Sarah, Jordi, Jason, Meike, Chris and Jip… they are gone. Just like Liv.
“Liv was my sweet, beautiful super strong daughter. I especially felt powerless. So much happens and you can’t do anything. As a mother you want to continue to take care of and then your life completely collapses. I was no longer with the father, but we We did live together to take care of Liv. After that we broke up and with that the family – Liv has two sisters – fell apart.”
Isabella also developed mental problems after the death of Liv. “It has a huge impact on your life,” she says. “I went way too fast in the beginning and was whistled back by my body. I got sick very quickly and if I left a meeting after an hour at work, I didn’t remember what it was about. In the end you have to take time for yourself.”
“Liv definitely made me a better person.”
Isabella slowly scrambled back up. She now visits Liv regularly at the cemetery, but she has let go of the compulsion. “Liv’s death is the most intense in my life, but the sadness is no longer fully present after ten years,” she says honestly. “Sadness comes and goes. You can’t control that. Sometimes it is very nice and I can be very happy here. I come here when I feel good. I am often sad at other times. She is still alive next to me.”
She continues: “I don’t mean it wrong, but it has also brought me something beautiful. I can enjoy the little things more. I also see more quickly what is going on with other people and that you should not judge too quickly. Liv has definitely made me a better person.”
Isabella briefly sweeps the grave with a broom and then says goodbye to Liv with a kiss.
