39-year-old Anita Bakker from Enkhuizen will be Teun’s mother on July 14. For the single mother, this was preceded by a very long process. To break a taboo surrounding BAM (consciously single mother), Anita started a blog. It will be a ride full of highs and lows, want it certainly did not happen by itself and even after the birth it is not always easy.
In her first blog, September 2020, Anita takes us to how it all started. She had a deep conversation about it with a friend. “I’ve always had that desire to have children. I wanted to become a mother before my 25th. But I didn’t dare to take the step yet. Maybe not so crazy after a few turbulent years.”
Because the past few years have not been smooth sailing. From a layoff to a burnout. “That made sure in my head that I didn’t dare yet.”
The thought of what others would think didn’t exactly help either. But how do you actually know what others think if you don’t discuss it? “I have no idea, that was clearly between my ears. I expected external prejudices, but that was not so bad afterwards.” Her family was not yet aware of her wish to have children. “He actually reacted very enthusiastically. They secretly already had a suspicion”, Anita says with a laugh.
Before Anita can start fulfilling her wish to have children, she must first find a donor. Anita had no idea how long she would have to wait, and it happened pretty quickly. In January 2021 she receives an email from a clinic in Wolvega. “Within two weeks. The nerves were screaming through my body and my hands were shaking.” Meanwhile, the waiting time is about two years before a donor is available.
There is a match. In the meantime, Anita travels up and down to Friesland for investigations. And then suddenly, on March 2021, the moment had come: the insemination. “That moment was quite crazy, I can tell you. There I was. Very special and unreal.”
Two miscarriages
“Then it was a matter of waiting. Will I get pregnant or not?” It is certainly not an easy road. The first pregnancy ends in a miscarriage. A new attempt will follow in June and the first ultrasound will follow a month later. “It was positive.” But at the beginning of August things go wrong again. “A blow. That was a tough period for me, also to be open about it.” Still, she decides to share her miscarriage. “A kind of diary. I wanted to show how it can be. That something like this can be heavy and not fun. A lot of people still think too easily about that. Well, we continue and it happened. I wanted to see through that. It was also a kind of processing for me.”
At the end of October, attempt three will follow. Anita is pregnant again and the ultrasound looks good in mid-December. “The ultrasound was so beautiful, clear and bright. The little miracle showed itself well, and moved a lot. I finally dared to enjoy it, especially after such a long ride full of highs and lows. I was pregnant. It was almost Christmas and it couldn’t break.”
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Anita is entering the new year. After being flat for five weeks due to corona, Anita is organizing a gender reveal party. It will be a boy, as it turns out after cutting the cake. In June it is just as exciting when she does not feel the normally mobile baby. But after a check, all signals are green.
In the night of 12 to 13 July, the delivery starts. But that also turned out not to be without a struggle. “The dilation took a very long time. I had to cope with the contractions for hours. In bed, at a ball, in the shower. I have no idea how I did this, they were so intense.”
roller coaster
Then the contractions ease and Anita is given a ‘medical birth’. On July 14th – 00.53 am to be exact – Teun was born. But then Anita herself still has to go under the knife, because the placenta remains attached. Later it also appears that Teun had the umbilical cord around his neck and legs. In the world of obstetrics, it is called a traumatic birth. “But in the meantime I do all this with my little man. Very unreal, a rollercoaster. Looked forward to it for so long, my wish for children has finally been fulfilled”, it sounds relieved and happy.
It has been three and a half weeks since Teun was born. Although she has to do it all alone, the family is always there for her. “Everything that comes with it, I have to think up or implement myself. That is quite difficult, but luckily I can always fall back on help from family or friends. Teun sleeps badly and has some complaints, so if they are there, I can do something, for example. catch sleep.”
And why the name Teun? “From day one, that was my choice. Short and to the point, I like that.”