It is a subject that people do not like to talk about: death. And yet we will all have to believe it at some point. Then it is useful that those who stay behind know what you want. A visit to the Tot Zover Funeral Museum, which is ‘open due to circumstances’, can be a first step. Editor Sybylle Kroon takes a look into the world of death, mourning and comfort.
Recent research by Monuta shows that Dutch people are still reluctant when it comes to talking about death. Only 20 percent ever talk about this with family or friends. The vast majority find the subject too difficult, too difficult or simply do not want to think about it.
My husband is in the “I don’t want to talk about it” club. He initially resolutely rejects the proposal to go together to the Tot Zover Funeral Museum in Amsterdam. Once in Amsterdam, he still goes inside. Reluctantly, but still. After all, there is also a café that can serve as a lifebuoy. The exhibition A nice death allows visitors to see, hear, smell and taste how food plays a role in all kinds of moments surrounding mourning and death.
My husband’s interest was aroused by the piece of prize-winning ‘funeral cake’ with the ‘cup of cake’. That we now know that there is a whole story behind the cake and coffee (pleur is not entirely coincidentally derived from the French word pleurer , which means crying), we have Carolina Verhoeven from Haulerwijk to thank. The culinary ethnologist contributed to this exhibition. And not only that: she has been working on a book about death trends and traditions for five years. Working title: Cup of Comfort . In addition, she is organizing a fair on this subject on March 2, 2024 at the Haulerwijk community center.
The large display window of Ivonne Clemens’ store in Noordwijk (ZH) looks inviting. Yet she does not have many spontaneous customers yet. It is not a home accessories store, but one of the few physical, private funeral shops in the Netherlands. “Once people walk in, they are pleasantly surprised and sometimes even get a little greedy,” says Clemens, who is also a funeral director.
A style after death
In her store you discover that in addition to lifestyle, there is also a style after death. In other words: you can decorate your funeral as you want, in your (life) style. “Customers often ask ‘what is normal at a funeral?’ I always say: nothing is normal, make it personal. It’s all in the details, it doesn’t always have to be grand and compelling.” She has seen a trend towards smaller, more intimate funerals since the corona crisis. “People make more conscious choices.”
In addition, people want to visit the cremation ovens more often, they have specific wishes regarding consumption and people often choose to process the ashes or fingerprint in a piece of jewelry. You will not find a standard urn in Clemens’ shop window, but you will find stylish vases that would not look out of place in a modern interior. There is also more and more choice in terms of coffins, ‘although most people still go for cheap’, Clemens notes.
Sustainability is not yet really a topic in her store: “Every now and then people ask for electric support cars, flowers without plastic, online cards instead of paper cards or a sustainable coffin. But I have not yet had a truly green funeral, which often comes with a price tag that is too high.”
Organic catering and electric hearses
Corné Mulders, director of funeral care at Monuta, and Anton Tjapkes, funeral director in the North region, see an increase in the demand for a ‘sustainable’ funeral. “We are getting more information about it.” There are also regular requests for organic catering, electric hearses or flowers without packaging material. “That is a very conscious message from the sender. It seems small, but if you get a hundred flowers in cellophane, you’re stuck with a lot of unnecessary waste. Moreover, flowers without plastic are much more beautiful, right?”
At Monuta they also see an increase in interest in the natural cemetery. Then you will be buried in a biodegradable coffin in a beautiful place in nature. Such as the Living Cocoon, a ‘living coffin’ made from mushrooms and hemp fibers. The deceased then lies on a bed of moss. “The mushrooms are grown in the Netherlands and in 45 days the box is one with nature again. It is a very nice product and a sustainable choice,” adds Tjapkes.
The coffin and the deceased are quickly included in ‘the natural cycle’. The cremation process is also becoming increasingly sustainable, says Mulders. “We already have a number of ovens that run on electricity, using solar panels. In the long term, all our crematoria will run on solar energy or perhaps hydrogen.”
Everyone can make their funeral as sustainable as he or she wants. “If the wishes are clear, we can organize it in such a way that the funeral suits the person exactly. Yet we also notice that death is often still a taboo. Our advice is: be open about your farewell and discuss it, also with your children. Then you take away a lot of worries. Break the taboo, death is part of life.”
Pretzels as a symbol of eternal life
In the Tot Zover museum you will discover what might be on the menu after a funeral and the symbolic or historical meaning behind it. Pretzels to symbolize eternal life, the sweet variety to soothe mourning, the salty variety to symbolize tears. Braided bread as a result of an old Germanic custom in which a woman’s braids were placed as a sacrifice in the grave of her deceased husband.
But a Groningen black poffert – black with poppy seeds – could also be on that menu, Carolina Verhoeven knows. “Poppy seed is the ‘healing seed’ of the poppy and was previously used for its end-of-life soothing properties. It symbolized mourning.”
In the Netherlands, the ‘coffee and cake’ tradition is sometimes treated with disdain, but that slice of cake can also be placed in a culinary historical perspective. “But it is also the sugar in the cake that plays a role,” says Verhoeven. “Sweet comfort.” At Monuta they also recognize the historical and emotional value of cake: to celebrate their centenary, they introduced their own ‘Slice of Comfort’ in November. Cake with a touch of lemon balm: ‘for a slightly soothing effect’.
After the museum visit, my hubby sits in the associated café Roosenburgh of Tot Zover, enjoying the prize-winning funeral cake from Bakkerij Bekkers from North Brabant. Now just have a good conversation about death, then I can move on with my life with peace of mind. Because that is also part of death.