1 How do you prepare a child for discrimination?
A mother writes that her boyfriend and she have roots in three countries. According to some, her seven-year-old son has a Moroccan appearance. The mother is afraid that he will encounter prejudices and wants to prepare the child for this, but also not give him the feeling that he does not belong in the Netherlands. How do you address this difficult subject in a way that is appropriate for a child’s age?
Experts offer tips and say it’s important to emphasize that having multiple identities is a thing to be proud of.
2 How do you support a child who is excluded?
A reader’s eight-year-old son is always not allowed to play by one of the neighborhood children. The lockout seems jealous that the son gets along well with the other boys next door. What can you do as a parent to support an excluded child?
Strengthen ties with the child and his parents to prevent exclusion.
3 Do you speak to the parents of a bully?
A reader writes that her child experienced something unpleasant on a play date. The sister of the friend he was playing with said she wants to throw the child “into the ditch with a rock around his neck.” At that time there was no adult to supervise the children playing. Can the reader address the other mother about this?
Experts advise on how to confront the parents of a bully without sounding accusatory:“Lower your emotions and speak from a place of concern”.
4 Is a child allowed to bully back?
“Then you just push back,” is easy to say as a parent. But is there any point in giving your child such advice, asks a mother whose daughter is regularly bullied by a classmate.
A physical response often does not work. Better watch which response suits the character of the child and involve the teacher.
5 Is a child allowed to curse back?
When a mother told her daughter to taunt one of her bullies about his weight, the boy burst into tears. How do you make a child resilient without harming another child?
Bullying, bullying back: it only produces losers. Bullying is necessary are solved within the whole class.
6 How do you help an adult child who has been bullied in the past?
Being bullied can leave deep scars. This also applies to the 31-year-old daughter of a reader. In the meantime, the daughter has a nice job and a stable relationship, but the consequences remain noticeable: she does not have many friends and quickly feels left out. Should the mother have done more in due course to prevent the bullying?
It can also be nice to discuss the bullying afterwards. With each other, or with friends or family.
Want to read more about the consequences of bullying and what you can do about it? In a special about bullying NRC the most important articles at a glance.
Do you have questions about raising your own or other people’s (grand)children?
In the Educated section, we anonymously submit readers’ dilemmas to the best experts. We will raffle copies of the book among those who submit questions Other parents just do whatevera collection of the first volumes of the section.
This section is anonymous, because difficulties in parenting can be sensitive. If you submit a question, you will always receive a response from the author of the Raised section.
Annemiek Leclaire
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