Episode 264
I have a new favorite activity: I’ve been watching rock musician documentaries with German voice-overs with overflowing enthusiasm for the past few weeks. Wow, that’s fun!
I have no idea how this is handled in, say, Spain. In Germany, in any case, the voices that are superimposed over the rock star chatter in this documentary often give the impression that the speakers are in a dubbing studio in 1985 for the purpose of editing a B-action film set in the mercenary milieu : It must always sound as if the sun-glassed show-off rock star is telling how he once strangled an anaconda with his bare hands – even if he’s just talking about a poorly attended early tour.
Even Shane MacGowan sounds like Chuck Norris in “Missing In Action” in the German version of Julien Temple’s film about him. I can’t help it, but these documentary versions here seem to me to be another indication of the Germans’ peculiar relationship to rock music. Another is the existence of medieval and shanty rock.
Since it is urgently important at this point to avoid this text drifting into the subject of medieval and shanty rock, I would rather digress to Chuck Norris. This may mean the same thing for many people, but there are subtle differences.
For example, Chuck Norris is never seen playing market pipes in any of his films, whereas the instrument is quite common in medieval rock. Chuck Norris did pretty much everything else – even sang, like the theme song to “Walker, Texas Ranger.”
Other greats of action cinema also flexed their singing muscles over the course of their careers. A highlight in this context is Sylvester Stallone’s performance of the song “Drinkinstein” in the film “Rhinestone” – a day on which I did not watch this short scene first thing in the morning to prepare for everything to come must be considered in vain.
You notice: This column has already been derailed to such an extent that no American action hero or his voice actor could save it. It can also be pointed out that Sylvester Stallone’s brother Frank once had a hit in the German charts – i.e. where the market bag whistle blows today. The song is called “Far From Over”. It comes from the Sylvester Stallone-directed film “Staying Alive” starring John Travolta. Anyone who hears the song will immediately grow cuffs on their calves. Travolta received the Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Actor for the film; Everyone else involved should also urgently be given something.
More texts from Eric Pfeil
So that this edition of the pop diary is at least good for something, I would like to point out that the aforementioned American one-hit wonder Frank Stallone looks very similar to the Italian one-hit wonder Ryan Paris (“Dolce Vita”). Both had their hit in 1983. A clear indication – the only question is: what for? In some parallel world, perhaps some director made a B-movie that year with Frank Stallone and Ryan Paris, in which the two play twin brothers who, through a chain of stupid coincidences, end up in fighting situations and end up saving the world from destruction. Since both artists are still alive, the film could still be made today. The times are after that again.
You know, in the end it’s all about one thing: you have to get through the darkness somehow – you, dear readers, as well as your columnist, Chuck Norris or Ryan Paris. Whether with a column text, the carefree singing of a song called “Drinkinstein” or with a robustly translated rock documentary.
We are all just disappointed dreamers in a desperate search for love and beauty. There are no wrong turns here. We should all just be careful that no one gives us the Golden Market Bagpipe.