Marise: “The day here starts when Donna wakes up, usually around seven o’clock. Then she comes to lie in bed with us and Martijn goes downstairs to get her a bottle and coffee for us. Once back in bed we have an hour quality time with the three of us – a fixed ritual now. If we ever skip it, I really miss it.”
Martijn: “Then one of us will take Donna to the daycare, or Marise’s parents will be there. They come from Zwolle every other week on Wednesday evenings to babysit.”
Marise: “They stay the night and spend the whole Thursday with Donna. Before they drive back, we all eat together in the evening, often pizza. Yes, that is very nice.”
Martijn: “On the other days, Marise usually cooks something for Donna after a working day and then I cook separately for the two of us. I really enjoy cooking, recipes from Ottolenghi for example, but all those herbs and peppers are not very useful with a child.”
Marise: “Once Donna is in bed, the two of us can have a quiet meal and go about the day. We have very different work, so we always have nice stories to tell each other.”
Martijn: “I work at an architectural firm, but I always wanted to become a psychiatrist. That sounds like something completely different, but I don’t see it that way. I wanted to become a psychiatrist because I wanted to make people better, but it turned out that I was too emotional for that. I couldn’t let go of all those heavy stories. So I thought: I want to make buildings that benefit people. That attitude is completely in the DNA of the agency where I am now a partner, so I feel right at home there.”
Marise: “Yes, you really like your work. I always find that nice to see.”
Martijn: “The architectural world is quite competitive. You have to work hard, be creative and also have meetings and emails in between. That’s not actually possible in less than five days, even if I wouldn’t want to.”
Marise: “I now work three days a week and have tried to get Martijn to work less. Four days is now the norm for parents, right? But it was difficult to negotiate at this point. And at the same time it enabled me to take longer leave after Donna’s birth. It’s quiet that there is one steady is basic.”
In a bubble
Martijn: “The first year with Donna was quite intense.”
Marise: “I had a long aftermath of childbirth due to blood loss. Donna also had a tough start, which meant we had to stay in the hospital for the first week. Once home, she did not sleep well for a long time and we also ended up at a daycare where things were not well organised.”
Martijn: “During that period itself you are in a kind of bubble. You don’t know any better and you just keep going. Only now that things have calmed down and you can look back, it dawns on you: oh, that was actually quite an intense time.”
Marise: “But at the same time it was also a beautiful period, with the three of us. And it helps that Donna is always cheerful.”
Martijn: “Yes, she is really a very happy child.”
Marise: “Now that Donna is almost one and a half, life is a lot calmer. She goes to a nice daycare around the corner, she sleeps better and we can go on a date again in the evening.”
Martijn: “Fortunately, what has gone well all this time is that we as parents are really a team. We’ve known each other for a very long time. You were fifteen and I was sixteen when we started dating.”
Marise: “So when the other person is tired or sick, you can see in someone’s eyes: I don’t think things are going well for a while.”
Martijn: “Marise is an expert in the field of children from zero to six. She can sometimes pick up signals from Donna, which makes me think: wow! I really wouldn’t have gotten that out.”
Marise: “I am a remedial educationalist and IMH specialist, which stands for Infant Mental Health. I work at the Youth Team in Zaandam and my expertise there is diagnostics and treatment from mental health care. Becoming a mother myself has changed my view of the profession. And sometimes it got in the way of my own actions. For example, if I couldn’t quiet Donna at night, I could feel desperate: why can’t I? What am I doing wrong? But it makes a difference that Donna is developing well and is a social, sensitive and sociable girl. That makes me very happy.”
Martijn: “You just know a lot about it, that’s great. When Donna was crying at night and I worriedly wondered whether she had had too much stimulation during the day, Marise could calmly say: that’s just a release. She needs to recover from all the accumulated stress and then she can relax again. I follow Marise in that regard and completely trust her knowledge and skills. And I’m okay with that. Yeah, I don’t feel like I’m 1-0 down or anything like that.”
Farm with lots of greenery around it
Marise: “For the time being, we will continue to live here in Amsterdam for a while. The city has so much to offer! Pubs, theaters and playgrounds nearby and of course Artis; We go there every day off. Although I have always had a kind of romantic dream of living in a farm with lots of greenery around it and nature close by. I still have that dream.”
Martijn: “Of course, as an architect I would like to design my own house someday, but it also seems very complicated to me. I am better able to make sharp trade-offs between price, wishes and square meters for customers than for myself. So in the office I sometimes joke: if I ever want to start building myself, I’ll hire actors who have exactly my wishes. And as a kind of banana split campaign, it turns out to be a house for myself.”