“LKindness is free.” How many times have we heard this? And it also triggers a virtuous circle that it is good not only for those who receive it but also for those who “use” it. Yet, if it is so full of benefits, why is it a feature that only a few people have? On the occasion of World Kindness Day which occurs on November 13thwe asked the Doctor Marinella CozzolinoPsychotherapist and Clinical Sexologist, advice for adding this virtue to our lives.
Kindness and confidence
«Kindness is usually something that we reserve for people with whom we are not close, for example to strangers or your boss. In reverse we are unkind when we have too much confidence and we demonstrate the absence of kindness by arriving late, raising our voices, dressing inappropriately for the circumstances. We do it with children, parents, partners. We therefore behave much more assertively towards the outside world. Nevertheless we should bring kindness into our intimate sphere, treating loved ones with white gloves, as is done in a certain level of service, as if we didn’t have so much confidence. For sure our relationships would improve» suggests Doctor Cozzolino.
It brings with it confidence
«If a person is kind he soon becomes a person I trust and with whom I’m inclined to tell the truth. On the contrary, if a teacher at school is not kind, does not communicate with the student but reacts by giving a bad grade, a note, a punishment, his behavior will lead the students to make excuses. If he were kind instead he would trigger sincerity. Kindness allows trust and trust allows truth. Being kind is a facilitator in all relationships. Even a kind boss who doesn’t scold but knows how to listen creates a climate of trust”, continues the expert.
Kindness: is synonymous with hospitality
«There are places that we frequent even in everyday life that we choose precisely because we know we will find kindness. A bar, a shop, the hairdresser and even the doctor. An unkind doctor may be the best in the world but I will tend not to choose him. And this also applies to a coffee. When I enter a bar I don’t just want to enjoy an espresso, which I could also prepare at home, I want to find the cuddle, the welcome. In other words, kindness”, explains Doctor Cozzolino.
The mirror effect
«Kindness is never alone. She always accompanies the good education, acceptance, trust, truth. Who receives kindness is inclined to respond kindly. It is an “infectious” characteristic that however in today’s society it has a bad meaning. In the collective imagination, in fact, a kind person is considered stupid, unintelligent and smart, someone who gets screwed. The competitive world has accustomed us to defend ourselves from the aggressiveness of others. We were taught that the other is ready to cheat us, to steal things, the husband, and this makes you stay on the defensive, ready to launch an attack. In reality it is exactly the opposite: It takes great strength to be kind. You need to be centered and have the ability to let other people’s unkindness slide over you. And finally, those who are kind must not be afraid of the world, but think they can change it”, underlines the expert.
A richer life
«Being kind doesn’t mean trusting everyone, rather treat others like someone distant from us, the way we would like someone to treat us. Let’s start by making a nice gesture, maybe a cuddle for a friend, a small gift that we know will make her smile at least and then stop if we see someone in difficulty. By bringing kindness into our lives we will be able to make it much richer» concludes Doctor Cozzolino.
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