It is an increasingly common scene. When looking at the tables of a restaurant or a bar, surely there will be more than one in which the diners do not look into each other’s eyes or listen to each other, because each one will be engrossed in the screen of your cell phone. It even happens when there are children: in that case, children’s screens Available are usually tablets or other implements specifically designed to entertain them.
This habit, a kind of digital neglect that came with the use and abuse of smartphones, has its own name: phubbinga behavior that worries and to which different specialists draw attention.
a real addiction
He technological advance it is clear and unstoppable. In recent decades, it has radically transformed the way in which we communicate, but also the way in which we relate to our environment. while mobile devices have become an inseparable extension of our livesAs they give us constant access to information, services and entertainment, this connection has also brought a series of challenges and intriguing social phenomena. According to clinical psychologist Silvana Weckesser, author of the book “Recalculating: you also learn to be an adult” (Hojas del Sur), one of these phenomena is precisely “phubbing”, a behavior that, although it may seem harmless at first, has implications. much deeper than might be anticipated.
For the professional, this habit falls within the technology addictionpathology that involves a excessive and compulsive use of electronic devices. “This addiction can have significant effects on people’s lives and their psychological and emotional well-being,” she says. What are the symptoms? The constant need to check messages, social networks or play online games, even when it interferes with other activities and relationships.
The scientific basis that supports this classification includes brain changes (circuits similar to those activated in substance addictions are activated in the brain), positive reinforcement (these behaviors provide immediate rewards or gratification that favors addictive behavior), tolerance symptoms (it is necessary to increase the time of use to achieve the same gratification) and abstinence in case of discontinuing use. In addition, the expert explains that technology abuse can contribute to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and other mental health problems.
In the specific case of “phubbing”, which is born from the fusion of the words “phone” (telephone) and “snubbing” (ignore), the most direct consequence is a deterioration in the quality of communication. Which can lead to misunderstandings, a lack of emotional connection, and a feeling that the conversation is not valued. “This can affect the opportunity to share experiences or emotions of significant moments, which in the long term weakens the bond. We must not underestimate that a lack of attention and empathy can undermine trust and self-esteem in a relationship,” warns Weckesser. Thus, carrying out this behavior in the long run can generate resentment and emotional disconnection.
In addition, harmful feedback is generated: it often happens that when someone sees that the person they are with takes out their cell phone, they immediately replicate the action. It is as if rudeness were enabled and then the slight becomes normal. A digital vicious circle.
also for the boys
As indicated at the beginning of the note, this behavior is also common towards and among boys. Parents are seen looking at the cell phone without paying attention to them and also children with their own phones, together but without relating. It is that growing up in an environment where “phubbing” is common can have consequences on development and also on family dynamics.
“It seems that because they are so connected, they are disconnected!” worries Laura Lewin, education specialist, author, and teacher trainer, who is responsible for the @lauralewinonline account. “It is normal to see groups of boys with their cell phones at recess, even on birthdays or gatherings of friends. This is so naturalized that it seems like normal behavior, even when this behavior undermines social-emotional skills in general and the way we communicate in particular,” she adds.
Some emotional and cognitive effects that the professional points out are feelings of invisibility, difficulties paying attention in social and academic situations and also effective communication, anxiety and worry about their place in the family and how others feel about them and limited abilities such as empathy, active listening and conflict resolution. Other direct consequences are technological dependence and the impact on interpersonal relationships (“boys grow up seeing their parents or adults at home paying more attention to their cell phones than to personal interactions, and they can internalize this behavior and learn what it is acceptable to ignore others in favor of technology,” says Lewin.) Family conflicts can also be generated, since nobody likes to feel ignored. And the icing on the cake: excessive screen time could negatively impact children’s cognitive and emotional development by limiting their exposure to other enriching activities and experiences.
To avoid all these effects, the specialist proposes some approaches to improve communication. She recommends setting time limits for device use and establishing tech-free zones for everyone, like lunchtime. Instead, allocate specific time to interact and communicate and have concrete talks about the impact of phubbing on relationships.
The value of JOMO
In their book “How to tame your screens: keys to digital detox and well-being in the connected era” (Conecta), Martina Rua and Pablo M. Fernández address a counterproposal to the FOMO syndrome, “Fear of Missing Out” or fear to miss something (for not always being connected and attentive). It is about JOMO, “a search for intentional or deliberate disconnection that emphasizes being present in what we do, disconnected from technology”. It is called JOMO because it replaces the initial letter of fear with the “J” of “joy”, joy in English. According to the authors, in many spaces this disconnection is already offered as a new luxury. And it is about experiences “as old as humanity, but that are valued as a reaction to the exacerbated connection: music, cooking, reading, writing, meditation.”
Another interesting fact regarding disconnection is the unusual boom in so-called “dumb phones”. What is it about? From the old cell phones where we could only talk or send SMS. More and more people use them. Internet searches for vintage gadgets have risen exponentially and many have adopted them to enjoy their free time without social networks. Some companies are also developing models that allow you to listen to good music and take photos of acceptable quality without giving up space to online applications. Buying a cell phone of this type, allows you to drive away the vertigo of total disconnection, but without the possibility of getting hooked on addictive activities via the Internet.
Anything goes when it comes to revaluing the links, true communication and the possibility of focusing on the other without distractions.
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