THE parents are worried: half of them fear the growth of mental illness among young people. But they don’t know what to do: 48 percent denounce the inability to deal with the problem.The boys, for their part, are aware of this surrender: 54 percent think they are not understood by mums and dads who are too distracted. Furthermore, only 3 percent would talk to a teacher about their problem. Why open up, if there is no understanding?
These are some of the data that emerged from a double research – one on the perspective of the under 18s, the other on that of adults – by the Demopolis institute for social enterprise With the children, who just launched a tender of 30 million euros for the psychological well-being of adolescents. These are numbers that reflect the difficulties of parents and teachers in carrying on a real dialogue with the kids, who are still suffering from the effects of the pandemic on their mental health. “The long wave of pain continues unabated,” says Stefano Vicari, head physician of Child Neuropsychiatry at the Bambin Gesù Pediatric Hospital in Rome and author of Independent children, safe teenagers (Lswr editions). «This year we have, like last year, 40 percent more hospitalizations than pre-Covid».
The suffering of the children is evident, at home as well as at school. «When you have an emotional conflict, a situation that doesn’t let you see a future, it happens especially in adolescence that you don’t express the conflict in words but you act it out, even in a violent way. More frequently against you, sometimes against another, as in the case of Abbiategrasso (the teacher stabbed by the student, ed )» explains Matteo Lancini, psychotherapist and president of the Minotaur Foundationwhich he just released Be yourself in my way (Raffaello Cortina). Hence the cases of depression, eating disorders, self-harm or social withdrawal. And, in some isolated cases, of aggression. However, there is no understanding of what is happening.
Mental discomfort of young people: pain seems like an affront
The psychic discomfort of young people manifests itself with depression, social withdrawal, eating disorders, self-harm. Getty Images.
«The new generations live their parents’ expectations of success and struggle to express negative emotions. They grow up in a dimension where pain is experienced as an affront: “Why, with everything we do for you!”, they hear themselves repeating. Adults are too fragile to accept the stumbling blocks of their children, and they don’t allow them to express fear, sadness, anger. They fail to teach that failures are part of the growth process. And so they do not intercept the signs of mental distress among young people». Vicari adds: «There is no reflection on the limits. Children should get used to finishing last in a race from an early age. But it’s not done.”
The place where the fear of stumbling, and the consequent pressures to prevent this from happening, manifests itself most clearly is the school.“In the last few weeks before the polls, I met many parents who asked me to avoid the rejection of their children, perhaps deserved,” says Cristina Costarelli, principal of the Newton high school in Rome and president of the ANP (National Association of Principals) of Lazio.
But dismissing this attitude as overprotective, with some condescending jokes like “repeating a year never hurt anyone”, would be unfair. The world of children is different from what their parents experiencedNot surprisingly, in the Con i bambini survey, 62 percent of adolescents maintain that adults do not understand the contemporary world. “Misdirection in eighth grade also affects failures a lot,” adds the school principal. “Kids forced to enter high school by their parents, sometimes when they change schools they flourish again”.
The challenge must stimulate, not humiliate
But the pressures don’t just come from parents. They depend on one assessment system too rigid and obsolete (with red and green stamps already in primary school), from exasperated competition, from a study method that still focuses on individualism and little on collaboration. From an internal questionnaire of the Manzoni linguistic high school in Milan it emerged that 7 out of 10 students have anxiety crises with emotional breakdowns and crying spells, more than half feel forced to achieve excellence, while 90 percent believe that school affects mental health a lot or quite a bit.
«Instead, it should be the place where a boy or a girl wants to be» reflects Elena Ugolini, director of the Malpighi Schools of Bologna. «Where you help to grow through learning, which however is effective if there is a positive relationship, if you pose a challenge in which the students feel stimulated and not humiliated. Figures with different responsibilities would be needed, such as a class coordinator who creates an inclusive environment. Compulsory teacher training would be needed. True, adults are fragile. And if they collapse, the kids don’t know what to hold on to.”
Help could come from the psychological desk, which, however, despite several bills, has never officially startedIt had been financed during Covid as emergency support, but the Meloni government did not renew the funds. Now, after the Abbiategrasso case, Minister Giuseppe Valditara has promised a change of pace.
«We have had a psychologist for some time thanks to the voluntary contributions of families. We spend about 7,000 euros a year for individual interviews with students and activities with teachers» says the principal of the Newton. “In our opinion, the counter is very useful: it intervenes in areas of malaise such as depression, performance anxiety, isolation. Obviously it does not provide therapy, it is a filter: if a longer path is needed, the student is referred to the ASL”.
Mental illness of young people: yes, but there is also that of teachers
“The educational pact between students and teachers has been broken, who are not able to listen to this widespread pain” is the opinion of Giovanni Vinciguerra, director of the specialized magazine All school. «Students are fragile, but teachers are also fragile: I found a 2011 question from then Senator Valditara, on the use of antidepressants by teachers. Today they feel demotivated, without social prestige; the the weakest take refuge in a transmissive teaching, with traditional lessons, and the costs are paid by colleagues who give their best without gratification. Only if we start again from a new alliance between adults can good come of it for the kids, in the long term».
Fewer requests for performance, fewer constant calls for excellence, reconstruction of a lost sense of community, an evaluation that is a tool and not an end, more teamwork: these are just some of the interventions useful for counteracting the malaise of young people, at school and at home. But what would really be needed is a change in the point of view of adults: “We mustn’t be Tom Ponzi with our children, investigate the causes of the error like the famous investigator,” says Lancini. “We have to change the paradigm. We often keep putting ourselves at the center saying that we do everything for them, but that’s not the case. The perspective needs to be reversed. Children should be left free to talk about feelings, fears, uncertainties. Otherwise we have young people who take charge of mum, dad and teachers more than adults do with them».
When to start worrying: what the expert says
«There is no sudden fit of madness. There are always signs to pick up on». Stefano Vicari, head of child neuropsychiatry at the Bambin Gesù Hospital in Rome and professor at the Catholic University, warns parents: «If you see your child “strange”, don’t wait to ask for help from a psychologist, or a child neuropsychiatrist . Don’t be afraid to call in an expert. There are situations that, if taken early, can be handled very well. Teenagers have bad days, it’s true. But if the days last for months, we need to intervene».
The advice is from Fpay attention to changes in mood and lifestyles: if a child sleeps badly or has many awakenings at night, if he falls asleep later than usual, if he used to play a sport he loved – for example football, he was the king of games in the playgrounds – and suddenly leaves him without a reason . If he shows irritability, if faced with a no or a rule to follow he responds aggressively. If he stops eating.
«Age affects the severity, because it is difficult for a child to self-harm, but at 11 it can already happen. There are rather clear sex differences: girls are more anxious, suffer from mood disorders such as depression. Boys are more “outsourced”, they show aggressiveness, they break things. The important thing is that you don’t start dealing with a boy’s or a girl’s mental health at 15 years old. Attention must be placed with care much earlier ».
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