It is March 2027, four years have passed, time flies like a rocket that has gone out of orbit. Election night is almost over and in front of the TV cameras appears a sprightly, jovial-looking man in his forties whom hardly anyone had heard of a year earlier. He drinks a beer while winking at the viewers at home.
“Did you expect this, Mr. Uilenbroek?” stammers the reporter. In the background, a singing and cheering crowd can be heard.
“Of course,” says Uilenbroek affably, “who hadn’t expected it? Maybe you from the mainstream media in your Randstad bubble, you don’t feel what is going on among the common people. Fortuyn has already shown that, then Wilders, then Baudet and four years ago Caroline van der Plas. Where are you actually from?”
“From the NOS.”
“Enjoy it, because in four years there will be no more NOS. Then there will only be independent, commercial channels that broadcast a daily talk show where I or someone else from my party Middelvinger Tegen Den Haag will be a guest. My favorite talk show will, by the way Inside today stay because there you will find the essence of existence: football and fucking.”
“But aren’t you afraid that the same fate awaits you as Baudet and Van der Plas?”
“Wow! They just got it really wrong. Baudet fell in love with Putin, Van der Plas allowed himself to be appeased by the right-wing Netherlands, from the VVD to the PVV. If you want to be a party of and for the middle finger, you have to keep that finger upright, stiff as… haha, I can already hear Gijpie screeching.”
“But of course there are still social problems. The nitrogen approach, climate change, the housing shortage, all things that have not happened in the past four years.”
“Certainly! And it will stay that way for years to come! We from Middle Finger Against The Hague have now gained an absolute majority everywhere, so we will do what we want. We will stop everything that the common citizen and farmer opposes, and that is quite a lot, as you know.”
“But those people will like to get their wet and their dry…”
“No problem! They will get that automatically, if you just leave the climate alone. You still have not understood: problems should not be solved, problems will solve themselves, if you are patient enough. The less nature, the fewer problems. Did you think that the next generation still remembers what the ostrich or the hummingbird looked like? They really won’t miss it. Have you ever missed the dinosaur?”
“I have to interrupt you,” says the reporter, “Caroline van der Plas is sitting in a room in Tubbergen, where she received almost sixty percent of the votes four years ago, ready for an interview.”
The sad face of the then beloved politician becomes visible. “First I want to congratulate Uilenbroek”, she sighs, “well done, Wim”. Then to the interviewer: “We were hit amidships by a party that dared to take a step further than we did. We should never have worked with anyone. Definitely become the biggest – and then call the shots. That is democracy.”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of March 17, 2023