StThere are so many parents who ask me how to make your children understand the importance of studies. I answer by telling you two stories of my clients.
The boy who loves guns…because he wants to be a policeman
The first case is from a mother who contacted me very worried because of thehis 17-year-old son’s interest in guns. It seems that he doesn’t care about school (he attends the third year of high school with poor results) and when his mother asks him with a certain nervousness what he intends to do with school and studying he replies that he doesn’t know. She tells him that he has to decide to study to finish school. But he’s only interested in following the crime series and always talks only about the guns.
When I meet my son for the first time he comes with a certain suspicion, he is cordial but very very reserved. But my first question immediately relaxes him and stretches his face into a big smile. I I simply asked him what his dream job would be. “I would like to be a policeman,” he replies, his eyes shining. That is why the interest in weapons and detective series. I asked him if he ever told his mom, he said no, because she never asked him.
Parents of Teens: Let’s Look Beyond the Grade
When I talked about it with my mother, she remembered that as a child he said he wanted to become a policeman. But then he adds, you know, all the kids always say that, so over time I really didn’t care about it. It often happens that we parents let’s stop asking our kids what they dream of for their futurewe focus only on academic progress. We look no further than the votes. In this case it was a relief for the mother to understand that her son’s interest in guns is going well, which she could not see from her concern. Understanding this, she was able to help her son understand the importance of education, in relation to the job she wants to do, and help him create his own path to becoming a police officer.
Teens and rap music
The other case concerns another 17-year-old boy, also with little interest in school, and according to his parents with a only interest in his life which is rap music, among other types of music that parents do not like. I rather are very worried about school progress. Even this guy, when I asked him to tell me about his music, his eyes lit up. He said that he likes to sing rap songs, and also to create lyrics for the music his little band plays at local partiesthe. But he doesn’t talk about it with his parents because he doesn’t care, he said… “They always get angry and only talk about school but I don’t like school, it bores me”.
It is possible to reconcile passions with school
I told the boy that it is right that he cultivate this passion of his, but I also made him understand thatand without what he can learn in school he could face difficulties in his future in the music business. To write texts it is important that he knows Italian well. I asked him what he thought of them poems that he had to learn in school, to his surprise not to ask him if he knew them or to memorize them, but to get inspired. Instead, to know manage your future finances growing up, when he’s a rich and famous rapper, i told him he could be important to have studied mathematics. To travel the world by famous rapper he will have to know the languagesat least English, but not only, and also geography to know where he will go on tour with his band, and also the history of the countries he will visit. Putting it that way, him he saw the school from another point of viewhe understood that it could be really useful for him when he grew up having studied.
Teenagers: look to the future!
With these two stories I wanted to make it clear that it would be relatively simple shift the focus from worry and anxiety towards a positive and proactive attitude. Obviously it’s not always so linear, and each story is in itself but as a general rule I can say that putting studies in relation to the teenager’s passion is a completely different story.
The coaching method in fact suggests to look to the future. From ask the child what he wants to do, what he wants to be in his future. Maybe he would like to become an airline pilot, or the president of the republic, or a marine researcher, or a stylist or a cook. We don’t put limits on dreams but let’s start at build with him the path to achieve them.
Starting from the future to give meaning to the present
We have to starting from the future to plan for the present. Not from subjects that are good or bad. Starting to check which schools, which skills, which education are needed to continue the way to achieve your dream. We have to cultivate his dream, even outside of school life and homework, taking him to fly if he wants to become a pilot, reading and commenting on political facts together if he wants to become president, going to visit an aquarium, giving him a fashion book, making him cook at home discovering particular recipes together, etc. But be careful, it must be his dream, not the parent’s dream for the child… It is not possible to motivate children only by encouraging them towards something that is our desire for them. Instead, we must try to understand what their ambitions, thoughts and motivations are.
The task of parents is just that
When a person discovers his vocation, that calling for which he is willing to live his life, that drive towards self-realization, that drive towards the freedom to self-determine his life, then we can say that he has every opportunity to live a happy life. And that’s what we parents want for our children, right?
Dr. Laura Peltonen.
Who is Dr. Laura Peltonen
«I have a Master’s degree from Luca Stanchieri’s Humanistic Coaching Schoolone of the Italian pioneers of coaching, and a specialization always from the same school in Teen & Parent Coaching».
For contacts: Instagram: ellepi_coaching Facebook: Ellepi Coaching Laura Peltonen, Email [email protected].
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