Jochem: “I have been organizing large New Year’s Eve parties in Amsterdam for twenty years. And ten years ago I founded a humanist society, TenClub. It is located in a historic building in Art Deco style on the Nes, in the center of Amsterdam. We are interested in all aspects of ‘the theater of life’: what is it like to be human? It includes everything: body, sexuality, dreams, emotions, ideas about the world. We investigate all those things. And we use the arts to shape those programs. So our members can organize an evening around a specific theme, which is always graced by musicians, dancers and poets.”
Blackbird: “I came to Jochem to apply for a job in the spring of 2015. He was then looking for a marketing and sales manager for TenClub. We had agreed to meet in the garden of his house in Baambrugge. We couldn’t stop talking, it was an endless conversation. We were both a bit searching and found buddies in each other. There was no romance in the beginning.”
Jochem: “But there was an endless stream of energy that went back and forth: wanting to investigate things, reflecting together. I think it’s really nice when you have that kind of connection, because you come across enough shit in a relationship as it is. And then you grow the fastest.”
Blackbird: “We fell in love very much, although we both already had a relationship, but that took months. We sometimes went to the cinema with my and his children. I have very fond memories of that, because it was done very carefully and carefully. Our children got along very well. And my ex Bas responded very well.”
Jochem: “My ex Alwien thought it was very tough. We also lived together in Baambrugge. Then one of the two has to take over that house. I was probably more in a position to do that, but that’s not easy. I think that the subject of breaking up can be taught better at school.”
Family vacations
Blackbird: “We now have a blended family of five children. Two from Jochem, Julie (17) and Luka (12), two from me, Olivia (16) and Kick (10), and one together, Hercules (almost 2). It’s going very well. We have an app group with all parents. And Herculesje is also welcome with all parents. The oldest get along well, the middle ones too.”
Jochem: “We have great family holidays. During corona we were in Africa. We are now going to Florence and Venice, which is fantastic. Just with that whole clan. Then we go on an adventure trip and then we really are a team.”
Blackbird: “They are wise children, I think.”
Jochem: “We are adventurers and we live from research and desires, making things, creating. And that is also in the children, I like that. And that late addition Hercules is a gift for everyone.”
Blackbird: “So I have three children from three different men. Recently, all three stood next to each other at a party: Ed, my first husband, Bas, my second, and Jochem. Then someone asked: what about now? Suddenly everyone was listening. Then Ed pointed to himself and said ‘gold’, then to Bas, ‘silver’ and then to Jochem, ‘bronze’. The whole room was double.”
Jochem: “We are also a Pippi Longstocking family. I mean, our house is full of old stuff, we drive vintage cars, little Fiats, a little eccentric. We travel a lot, we can be found in Portugal a lot. I am setting up an eco-resort there in the south: a kind of botanical garden in nature, on the coast. A place where you retreats can organize and things like that.”
Working and living together
Blackbird: “Our private life flows seamlessly into work. For example, I was once in the bath reading a story about the young Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy. That then became the theme of an New Year’s Eve party.”
Jochem: “Young Hugh Hefner was very progressive, he published a big interview with Martin Luther King in Playboy in 1965 and owned a night club. That’s where Aretha Franklin came to sing. She didn’t have to go through the back door with him. Maybe the later Hefner was a dirty old man, that’s possible. But I think everyone makes mistakes or has weaknesses. That does not mean that the whole person is no good.”
Blackbird: “The philosophy of TenClub is so great, Jochem breathes and lives it day and night. If we didn’t work together, I would never see Jochem.”
Jochem: “I have ten old-timers. Some do not have seat belts on the back seats. Our children have boyfriends and girlfriends who are not allowed by their parents in the car with us, for that reason.”
Blackbird: “We have a different philosophy. Something can always happen, you cannot hedge against all risks. Our children are very wise because we give them a lot of freedom. Our house is an old barn, beautifully renovated, with a large yard. Very cozy and messy. Sometimes we all dance together on a Saturday afternoon. Recently a friend came by and saw us dancing and said: I had completely forgotten that you can just put on music at home and go dancing!”