NoIn 2023 we dream of love. In intense years, between pandemic and war, just one month after the start of the new year, the wishes of single Italians are very clear: you are ready to fall in love again. Or, at least, try to. To say it is a survey conducted by Meetic in december 2022 on singles registered on the dating site that revealed the desire of many to get back into the game. In other words, in the toughest moments, like these years, people throw themselves into love. How come? «These have been precarious and destabilizing years that have made us all feel very fragile. And, above all, those who are single, even perhaps hardened, have found themselves a living a situation that called his “singleness” into question“” explains Carolina Traverso, psychotherapist and psychologist.
Single and love, looking for sharing
According to the data, for many love could be becoming a sort of “lifeline” in a historical moment of great precariousness. In fact, 89% of Italian singles interviewed stated that they would like to find someone and, above all, fall in love. Without necessarily getting married and “starting a family”, but above all with the desire to have something stable in one’s life, which helps to calm your soul. In short, many need to have a fixed point in a time of great change.
«This is a desire that is not surprising, On the contrary. It is precisely in moments of greatest fragility that we get scared and need security. And it is in this moment that love, kindness, mutual respect are sought,” explains the psychotherapist. Not only that, but these are feelings experienced even by people who have been single for a long time: «Even those who had closed their hearts in triple lock, when the social context begins to worsen by bringing them into contact with their own fragility and precariousness, everything is called into question. Including having been single for a long time.”
Single and love: when you feel good even alone
If all of this is happening now because the historical moment is very uncertain, when there is greater emotional and social stability, we tend to feel good. Well-being brings stability and when you feel comfortable in your situation, in this case that of a single person, you don’t have any problems. On the contrary, very often it is thought that being alone has many more advantages than being in a couple: «It is a very common sentiment, and perhaps truly felt by some: they are fine on their own, they have found their balance and for them it is an ideal situation».
The reflection, however, goes even further. In fact, they add to these those who have been severely disillusioned with love and the so-called “perfectionist singles”.
«The first are all those who have experienced disappointing romantic relationships and, lest they be injured again, they draw the undue conclusion that opening your heart to another person risks being very tiringif not frankly painful and which, after all, is not worth it» explains the expert.
In this case, precisely because previous relationships didn’t go as hoped, they found a personal balance on their own, they adapted to it, starting to feel good about themselves and eventually getting used to it. In this case, very often you create a new personal routinefor example with the introduction of a pet that helps to create new rhythms and commitments, as well as keeping company.
Who are perfectionist singles?
And in situations of well-being, they also hide the so-called “perfectionist singles”, another category that has a hard time looking for a new partner.
«They are all those who go around with a secret list of characteristics that a potential partner should have, if only so that they can take it into consideration» explains the expert.
So are all those who they have always experienced love as a verification not only towards the other person but above all towards themselves by those around themfor example of the family: “They are also all those who have never known that love happens through connection, and that the other is not an accessory to show off to reassure us about our personal value”.
Perfectionist singles, as such, therefore they find it very difficult to adapt to the uncertainties of society: on the one hand they would like to find love, to feel more secure, on the other hand being highly demanding is an obstacle.
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