You have those words that immediately make you feel bad. Migraine is one. Caregiver. Ask for help, even worse. But worst of all I think: carer. It could be because I always read martyrdom, which isn’t even such a crazy reading in this case. And if you ask me why I think it’s such a stupid word, I can’t even really explain why. I think it’s in the association with a toiling, sighing, self-sacrificing woman. One who silently wishes her old, not too nice parents dead, and therefore tries extra hard for them to compensate for her bad thoughts. I know, this must say a lot about me, but I don’t feel like looking into that right now (my parents are already deceased, if you’re wondering).
Time and time again I suggested watching Channel social out, a six-part series of Human in which six sets are followed. Mother and child, daughter and father, wife and wife, husband and wife, wife and husband, sister and brother. Apart from their family and/or love relationship, there is another relationship: that of caretaker and cared for. Or, if I want to torment myself: seeker and caregiver. I made myself watch the first four episodes back, part five was Tuesday evening. And forget everything I was saying so boldly before, because of course the tears were streaming down my cheeks. Melinda, 18, who takes care of her mother with acquired brain injury and her little sister. Mariska, with four children and a part-time job, takes care of her half-paralyzed husband. And René finds that his wife can no longer take care of him and decides that she should take him to the nursing home.
Toiling, toiling and sacrifice is certainly taking place, not only by women, but also by a caring husband. There is also love, that is what the (three) directors emphasize. Spouses holding hands, a hug, a kiss, the camera records it. Is it mere love that drives the worried? There must also be a sense of duty, pity, resignation, habituation. And necessity. Because if loved ones don’t do the care, who will? The government seems to be an (anonymous) woman Channel social to find. She has “resigned” as an informal carer because she no longer wants to be “in the service of BV Nederland for free and for nothing”. Her desperation is understandable, but the government can’t help that her parents need help. There are five million informal carers, which is 1 in 3 to 4 Dutch people. Then there are not very many people left to help care for those who are caring.
Luc roars at the sea
15-year-old Luc gets the mantle of director Tim Bary around his shoulders. He ran away from a closed youth institution without a coat. We see him in the 2DOC movie Luc (Human) as he gets into the director’s car, panting. Was this agreed? Or did Luc sneak out and then call Bary? I understand from the titles that he has been following Luc for a few months. But what we see of that only covers the escape of more than 24 hours. Luc gobbles down a döner sandwich. Smokes a joint or two, three. Roars to the wind against the wind in “cancer judges” and “breed everyone who hates cancer”, , but he also talks about a “cancer sweet girl”.
What is being told here? That Luc is having a hard time? Yes I see. That it’s terrible, a child in a closed institution? I think. As the evening progresses, the director is still with the kid in his stomach. Where should he sleep? At his house? Better not, he thinks. Together in his car? Allright then. Just in time, Luc’s father texts that he can come and sleep with him. The next day, after a flash visit to his mother, Bary drops Luc off at the institution behind high fences. “Was fun,” Luc calls back. “We app and call. Everything will be fine.” I help him hope so.