A punching bag for the Vikings

Sometimes a monarch’s nickname contains a joke that is difficult to translate, as with Æthelred II the Unready, king of England from 978 to 1016. In Dutch, it becomes Ethelred II the Onberaade – and that causes confusion. Why does unready Translated here as indecisive, rather than indecisive?

That’s right. The name Æthelred in Old English means ‘he who receives good advice’. Unready means ‘he who is not given good advice’, exactly the opposite of Æthelred’s name. The Dutch translation is correct, but lacks that wink. And with not standing ready, has unready so do nothing.

Æthelred came to the throne at the age of 12, after his father Edgar the Peaceful passed away. Papa owed the nickname not to his personal pacifism, but to the absence of large-scale Viking attacks during his rule. Æthelred was not so lucky. His reign groaned and cracked under the scourge of Danish invasions.

Unfortunately for him, in 978, his key advisers collapsed through the top floor of a council chamber, causing many deaths and injuries. Only Archbishop Dunstan didn’t have a scratch because he was standing on a beam. At least that’s how our main source tells us, the Anglo-Saxon Chroniclethe story.

Without his counselors, the young king now had to face the Normans. Their raids began in 980 and culminated in 991, at the Battle of Maldon. The Anglo-Saxon army was beaten there by the Vikings, who imposed an estimate of 10,000 pounds – and then continued to plunder. Even after Æthelred paid £22,000 worth of gold and silver to buy the peace, the Danes continued to visit England violently.

In 1002, something snapped at Æthelred. In that year, the Massacre on Saint Brixius Day took place. The king ordered that on this saint’s name day (November 13) all Danish men on English soil should be murdered. That did not work, but among the victims was Gunhilde, the sister of the Danish king Sweyn Forkbeard. He came a year later to take revenge. Æthelred had no choice but to pay dearly again to stop the punitive expeditions.

The suffering was not yet over. In 1013 Sven returned – now to ascend the throne of England himself. He was successful and Æthelred fled to France. Things turned around a year later, when Sven died and his son Canute came to the throne. English nobles decided to help Æthelred back into the saddle, provided there was a fee in return.

Thus it happened. Æthelred could not enjoy the victory for long. His son Edward rebelled against him and Canute returned from Denmark with a fresh army. Æthelred died in London on Saint George’s Day, before yet another Danish horde reached him.