“No.I will never make it “,” I’m always the same, I always make a mistake “,” Well, they all happen to me “are some of the classic statements that lead to being enemies of oneself, toself-sabotage and undermining one’s self-esteem. Not only that, but «in these cases we risk getting entangled in the “self-fulfilling prophecy”, the phenomenon that concerns the mental mechanisms that lead to confirm our prejudices and the catastrophic beliefs we fear, ”explains Dr. Ildegarda Gardini, psychologist, psychotherapist and Senior Instructor of Mindfulness Based protocols at Villa Torri Hospital in Bologna.
Enemies of themselves, how does this attitude arise?
Difficult to talk about a single cause in this case, very often this particular attitude is based on many reasons that must also be sought in the personal evolutionary and growth path “Often the basis is in fact the attitude of our parents or other reference figures significant ones we have met in life such as relatives, friends, partners. If we were confronted with people who have used a basically critical and devaluing attitude with us, this has certainly undermined our self-esteem »explains the psychologist.
The result is it development of a sense of inadequacy which may have strengthened in the moment in which one encounters difficult situations or small failures.
Self-destructive behaviors when you are your own enemy
However, it is not only a problem of self-esteem but also of deny some problems. As the psychologist explains, i behaviors implemented in these cases tend to be self-destructive and involve inappropriate adaptation strategies. It often happens that there is a tendency to deny the existence of the problem and not to think about it for example, throwing themselves into work or resorting to alcohol or cigarettes, in the most serious cases even to drugs and psychotropic drugs.
“Other inappropriate ways of behaving are using food as emotional gratification immediate in an attempt to fill a sense of emptiness or of accept being in dysfunctional relationships in order not to be alone. These are all attitudes that temporarily alleviate the sense of discomfort, but which in the long run do not lead to facing and solving the problems that undermine health ».
Bad thoughts that undermine the relationship with others
Problem that it also involves men in the same way, self-sabotage generates many frustrations and negative moods that are difficult to manage which, in addition to causing psychological suffering, also undermine interpersonal relationships.
Consequences are aggressive, resentful and irritable attitudes, or passive behaviorsi, lacking initiative, who do not express the real intentions and who risk diminishing the person in the eyes of others.
Getting out of the vicious circle is possible
Where to start to begin the change process? “As a first point I would say to acquire full awareness of the fact that we are human beings, and as such, imperfect. It may seem like a trivial suggestion, but developing acceptance and availability towards one’s own limitations and frailties leads to adopting a kind attitude and loving towards oneself, personal history and projects, helping to move more effectively towards what is valued ».
«Accept yourself for what you arewithout pretending to push away the experiences that are least liked, also tolerating the failures and the aspects that are difficult to appreciate can be an attitude that promotes mental well-being»Explains Dr. Gardini.
It is also essential to focus on the present, the continuous judgments about oneself turn the gaze away from what one has; “It would probably just be helpful to stop judging yourself, cultivate a form of kindness towards ourselves and others; we must consider that emotional pain is normal and that it can also prove useful as it signals that there are aspects of life that are not going well and that perhaps the time has come to act in the direction of a change “concludes the expert.
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