Separation, times and allowances: how to protect children

Protected children (until separation) in any family

“First of all it must be said that to protect children today it is not necessary to marry. The children of the unmarried couple are entitled to the same rights as the so-called matrimonial ones and the parents the same duties. In case of separation, maintenance, parenting times, placement and shared custody they have no differences between married couples and non-married couples“.

The second marriage and the first wife

The differences concern, rather, the division of the inheritance in the event of a second marriage of a parent: “If you remarry, the second wife also enters the line of inheritance, decreasing the assets for the children of the first marriage (or those born from the first union ). All the children, born of civil unions or marriages that are, instead enter the inheritance on equal terms », explains the lawyer.

In case of separation

When a couple separates, they can by consensus, agreeing on the various aspects and leaving the court with the sole verification of the provisions. Or in a judicial manner: at the request of one of the spouses, a divorce case is filed for him. «If the versions of the spouses are opposite, the judge verifies with appraisals. And the family usually ends up under the magnifying glass of social services ”, explains Cecatiello, with psychiatric and other consultations that interrupt the flow of life. Even that of children forced to passively submit to the decisions of their parents.

The special curator, to protect the children

This is why the lto the figure of the special curator. «His presence has been extended by the Cartabia law. The trustee is a lawyer who, in cases of separation, especially conflicts, serves the interests of the minor, listening to him. The law already provided for the judge to listen to children, starting from 12 years. But this figure was designed to allow the reasons of the minors to emerge clearly ”, explains the expert.

The separation: the economic reasons

Naturally, when they are offered the opportunity to speak, minors should take it. Usually it is to say that they are tired. Tired, for example, of being tossed around from parent to parent, of having to constantly repack the suitcase to move from one house to another, of not being able to have a normal life, hanging out with friends without having to cross the diaries of mum and dad. Tired of social services and psychologists asking them how they are.

The truth is that often, in cases like these, children become objects of contention: “Parents who ask for more time with them also do so, if not only, for economic reasons», Cecatiello explains:« “The longer they stay with me, the less I have to pay for their maintenance”. “The longer they stay with me, the more I have to receive for their maintenance”. Not to mention the home, which the court assigns to the so-called resident parent: there are not rare cases of career fathers who are not very present in the life of their children who demand the placement of their children to have a family home “.

The decisions of the judge can always be revised, in the event of a change in the situation that caused them.

Property regime: who does it protect?

When you get married, the communion of goods it is automatic: naturally, for assets acquired after the wedding. “It is an important protection if one of the two spouses has a considerably lower income. In the event of separation, you will have something to start from again, and will continue, for example, to be able to guarantee a certain standard of living for your children, ”explains the lawyer. This regime can be changed to separation of property even after marriage.

The boomerang effect of gender equality

“The jurisprudence, in recent times, tends to reduce to a minimum, or even eliminate, maintenance checks”, explains Cecatiello. “Thus, for example, a woman who during her marriage was or had to be mainly a mother (and the opposite never happens)if she separates she is much less protected, especially if she has a training: the judge, in no uncertain terms, invites her to roll up her sleeves ».

Maintenance allowances? Go to work

But it may not be easy to find a suitable job quickly. The risk is that the mother will become a second-class parent, unable to guarantee his son the same standard of living as before, or that his father guarantees him. “When I happen to train in schools, I always say it, and the new generations of women must also remember it:economic independence is a very important value», Reiterates the lawyer.

Reduced divorce allowances if he retires

Another side effect of gender equality claims? “Women who have focused on family are also at a disadvantage when, later in life, their divorce allowance is reduced because their ex-husband retires. A reduction so large that it can lead to a real financial meltdown. This extreme flexibility, for which no chord is granite, is typical of our legal system, and it amazes the Anglo-Saxons a lot ”, explains the expert.

The 3 tips for those who decide to separate

1. Avoid hasty decisions and impulsive communications. Before you tell him, it’s best to contact a lawyer.

2. Collect evidence and documents relating to the financial situation, especially if you have never dealt with it. It may not be easy, but once you start talking about separation, bank statements, inventories and the like are made to disappear in a flash.

3. The process of separation or divorce is most of the time long and complicated. Especially if there are psychological implications and necessarily if there have been episodes of physical or even verbal violence, better seek the support of a therapist right awaypsychologist or coach.

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