Recently I started dating a young man of 28 years old from the media world. He has two iPhones that appear to be glued to his hands. When we date, he is often on his phone. I don’t really know whether I should address this with him, leave it like that (I don’t want to come across as pedantic), or maybe stop meeting. It bothers me. The moments when he can focus his attention on me, are genuinely pleasant. Woman (23), Amsterdam
This stage
Your relationship is still very early. If he really likes you, at this stage he would want to know everything about you and his focus should be on you only. He has to hit you up, that’s what dating is for. This man seems only interested in himself. If he can’t give you attention now, it doesn’t bode well for the future. You’re much more interesting than a phone, so cut him off. Conny Mastenbroek (56), Volendam
The laundry and the kids
Ten years from now, this guy will still be stuck on his phone while you’re doing the laundry and raising the kids. There are plenty of nice men who will give you your full attention. Rachel Postma (38), Delft
surprise him
I would say: surprise him with a call during your date. André Boersma (66), Baflo
Bottom of the coffee
A more often seen image in restaurants: one party unhappily stirs the bottom of a cup of coffee, the other is constantly busy with the telephone. Has to do with decency and interest: apparently you are not interesting enough for him to get and keep his attention. Addressing him about it is not pedantic. If he’s not receptive to this, stop and find a nice guy who doesn’t suffer from a phone addiction. Peter de Haan (65), Animals
Skill in later life
If something really bothers you, make sure you have enough self-esteem to say it to your partner. Properly articulating your wishes is a skill that you will need for the rest of your life, so work on it. Minke van Manen (66), Venlo
predictor
If you tell what it does to you and how you experience it when he does have his full attention during your conversation, you do not come across as pedantic, but you indicate your limits and wishes. Then you can experience whether he takes you seriously and is willing to take your feelings and needs into account. Janine van Iren (55), Roden
app
Send him a text. Gert Wels (72), Zwolle
In the corner
This is a persistent habit. My girlfriend does this all the time too, it seems like I’m not interesting enough for her. As if she longs for the perfect lives of the Instagrammers she follows. Sometimes an evening starts off on a low note until she gets a chance to pick up her phone when I go to the bathroom; the cat videos ensure that the atmosphere improves. My solution is not the conversation, I have tried that in vain. No, I snatch the phone out of my hand, throw it in the corner and give her a kiss. This usually leads to a nice evening together with genuine attention for each other. Then just set the alarm on that thing. Tim Sprang (32), Rotterdam
In two weeks: Maternity leave for the black paid help?
To our delight we now have a domestic help once every two weeks. She works black, but we try to arrange things as neatly as possible. We pay an excellent hourly wage. We also suggested that she occasionally continue to pay her in the event of her absence (due to illness or vacation). She herself assumed that she would not get paid. Recently she told us that she is pregnant. Our question: how do we approach her period of ‘maternity leave’ if she does not come to work for a number of months? Continue to pay, or is that perhaps too generous? Pay less or not at all, or is that antisocial? Husband and wife (32), name known to editors
Our question is: what would you do? Mail your answer (max. 110 words) before Monday January 24, 2022 to: [email protected]. Do you have a dilemma and do you want advice from other readers? Mail your problem (max. 110 words) to: [email protected]. Always state your full name, age and place of residence. The editors reserve the right to shorten contributions.