Can’t we sleep separately?

My husband and I have been very happy together for over thirty years. For weeks now he has been suffering from heavy coughing at night for weeks and he himself decided to sleep in the guest bed so as not to keep me out of my sleep. He keeps saying he looks so forward to sleeping next to me again, but I find that I sleep much better now that I sleep alone. How do we solve this? Woman (59), name known to editors

Best option

My husband and I have been happily together for 35 years and have been sleeping separately for 15 years because my husband is only able to sleep on his back due to an accident and therefore always snores very loudly. I couldn’t sleep because of his snoring and he woke up again because of my tossing and turning. We found out that sleeping separately is the best option. A good night’s sleep is very important for your health and ultimately for your relationship. Every Saturday and/or Sunday morning we visit each other – in my or his bed – so that we can have a nice hour together. Carla Putter (60), Amsterdam

Fierce turn around

Buy a twin bed and earplugs and you can sleep comfortably and peacefully next to each other. Helps against: violently turning over, coughing, snoring, often getting out of bed because of urination, etc. Ria Bol (71), Heemskerk

Side effect?

Don’t lie on the guest bed. Find out the cause of the coughing fits. Lung photo? Does man use certain blood pressure pills with coughing fits as a side effect? Then change or stop and go pit together. Eugène Quadekker (76), Breda, ex-GP

World of difference

What you could do is push two separate beds together. Even each individual duvet can make a world of difference. Marloes Veerkamp (33), Utrecht

Draw conclusions

Evaluate together the period that you slept separately and draw conclusions. After thirty years you can assume that your marriage can handle this, right? What makes you seem insecure about it? Is there still more going on that was not previously conscious or uttered? Bertus Veldhuis (62), The Hague

Discovery

My husband and I have been sleeping separately for years and the quality of life has significantly improved as a result. Although he grumbled a lot about it at first, he doesn’t want anything else now. As you can read, the genie is out of the bottle and it won’t go back in. Tell him you look forward to sleeping alone from now on. Because you have discovered what you have been missing for over thirty years: a good night’s sleep. Every now and then a night together is nice for a change. Annita Lageweg (57), Oentsjerk

Without accountability

The convention applies here: whoever for whatever reason (tired, ill, want to read) needs to sleep separately, will lie down in the guest room. Without having to justify oneself. Every couple has their own rules and just because you do it one night doesn’t mean you can’t the next. Marlene Mooy (62), The Hague

Cozy in one of the beds

The first three years of our 25th anniversary together, we slept restlessly and poorly on a double bed. We then bought two box springs with separate mattress toppers and placed the beds 5 to 10 cm apart. We already had separate duvets. That way we don’t feel each other moving at night, which greatly improves our sleep quality. Before we go to sleep we lie comfortably together in one of the beds, after that we each go to our own half. We use earplugs against any snoring noises. This works perfectly for us. A good night’s sleep is so important, and this way you still lie together. Marianne Dijkstra (48), Hoorn

Earlier

In the past, people who could afford it always slept separately. Brigitte Cottaar (55), Almere