Sitting still and watching is not an option if you are deeply touched by injustice. We are all witnessing how Ukraine is being ruined and what atrocities innocent civilians are exposed to, so we want to help. But the way is not always successful.
In NRC Yesterday there was a report about the reception of Ukrainian Carina (36) and her son with a couple in Hillegom. The Hillegom couple had no shortage of good intentions and decisiveness: education had been arranged for the child and membership of the local football club, Carina received a gym subscription, a bicycle and clothing. To ensure that everything runs smoothly, a list of house rules was drawn up. But after thirty days of increasing annoyance, the municipality was called: it was no longer possible. The Ukrainian was picked up the next day with her son and is now staying in a shelter. About the fact that she was sent away, Carina said: ‘What a relief.’ She would rather live in an improvised shelter with shared facilities than in the detached house in Hillegom. At least now she can eat what she wants and no one interferes with the education of her child.
There was an article in this newspaper a few weeks ago with the headline: ”Honeymoon weeks’ seem to be over, first Ukrainian refugees say goodbye to host family again’, and similar reports have also appeared in other media.
It is not known how often this occurs and how many people are involved. Each municipality has its own registration procedure and not everyone registers at the counter. It may also take a while before the registration is complete. We are good at drawing up procedures in the Netherlands, but it will take some time before the administrative train gets up to speed.
In the reception of refugees at home, the sacrifice does not only consist of physical space, but (in fact) also intimate, personal space. What this actually comes down to will only become apparent in practice. We now have a more concrete picture of this in our household: for a few weeks now we have also been taking in a Ukrainian family. Everything that could practically be arranged, we had (with the help of our neighbors) beeped in no time. But what you cannot control are the people themselves. When choosing to act as a host family, we adjusted to this: things will start to get tight, that’s part of it.
Our house no longer smells like our house. People bring their own specific scents and cook with other spices. Furthermore, it is difficult to be truly aware of the existential insecurity in which displaced people find themselves. If I react curtly to my own husband or child because I’m struggling with a deadline, they think: leave that stress chicken for a while. If I do the same to my Ukrainian roommates, they think they are too much and will be sent away. You cannot tell people how to react to a living situation that is absurd for all concerned.
The war in Ukraine has changed the world order in a horrifying way. In times like these it gives hope that there are so many people in the Netherlands who open their homes; it shows that we as humanity have so much more to offer than just destruction. I hope that the vast majority of host families manage to make it a beautiful, enriching experience. Because sitting still and watching is not an option.