“I want to be a father, I would like to have a minimum of 6 children, I have money to support them and the time to raise them. A minimum of 6 and a maximum of 11. No more than 11 children and with the same woman,” said Santi Maratea, the young man in his thirties to his audience, in the middle of the morning and having a mate.
At another time, within the same edition, Maratea develops a reflection on her difficulty in establishing a relationship and achieving that life project. “If there’s one thing I have as an average man, it’s the fear of commitment. When I’m with a girl I like, I start to get hooked and that gives me something that I have to screw up,” explained the influencer, implying that he cannot commit to a serious relationship.
What was raised by the renowned “influencer of solidarity campaigns” is a very common problem for couples. In dialogue with NEWS, the psychologist Anabella Serventi explained this current behavior in men with their emotional ties. “Commitment in itself is not the problem, because others are assumed: commitment is assumed with the sport one practices, with friends, with a job, with one’s own assets… in many areas there is responsibility, it is just that emotionally it is not conceived as an investment but as an expense, as a loss,” the specialist clarified.
“In addition, the ties begin to compete with other multiple stimuli in personal life: professional development, friends, body care, etc. And, in that sense, dedicating space, attention and care to it becomes an obstacle. We have a more egocentric than sociocentric approach, which is why we resort to these contradictions of the big family that I want to have (as if it were an object) but I cannot commit,” said the specialist.
According to the psychologist, currently, there is a phenomenon known as FOMO (Fear of missing out), which would be interpreted as “the fear of missing out.” This trait implies a load of anxiety like “what if the next one is better?”, which is why you don’t get to know anyone because your attention is more directed to what you are hypothetically “losing” than to what you have as a real possibility.
Serventi concluded: “We have lost a lot in terms of the development of socio-emotional skills: the delay of gratification, the tolerance for frustration, the notion of a team, are issues that are evident when forming bonds. The ‘I need to be loved, but I am not willing to love’ seems to be the dominant paradigm, thus, the encounters are defensive and frivolous, the notion of joint construction, of mutuality, of reciprocity that are indispensable to the “Time to think about a joint project based on love and commitment.”
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