In July and August, three women died in Brabant in July and August. Joeweela, Jessica and Shanesca all had three children aged one to thirteen years. Children in situations deserve more attention, according to experience expert Nicky Schijvens from Hilvarenbeek. That is why she reads the alarm: “If we signal insecurity in children, we can ensure that things do not get out of hand.”
Nicky is co -director of Stichting Groei Safe and developer of the ‘Schildje’ methodology. With this she helps teachers and pedagogical staff to identify child abuse and make it negotiable. She sees that the attention for femicide has just grown in recent times, but lacks the attention for children.
“Growing up in an unsafe situation, such as frequently plays with femicid, is a form of child abuse,” says Nicky. “With femicide, a perpetrator often does not switch to murder on one or the other day, there is a very long pattern behind it. I often wonder: what if we had given children the language in that situation to tell that it didn’t feel safe at home?”
Recognize insecurity
Because women are often isolated from their environment in partner violence, according to Nicky, signals are difficult to pick up. “But their children go to school or the daycare. Language, recognition and safety make children speak out earlier, or at least show recognizable behavior that adults can respond to.”
Signals that can be observed in the behavior of children who can indicate that there are more to it:
- Concentration
- Frightened
- Aggressive
- Be sad
- Don’t talk
- Loneliness
- Sleeping
- Shame
- Trying to hide guilt
Nicky trains professionals in recognizing these situations. “Our goal is to recognize insecurity in the earliest possible stage and to call in help where necessary, so that it does not get out of hand.”
In addition, she teaches children with ‘Schildje’ (preventive) how to talk about insecurity. “What are limits and emotions, when and how do you say no and how do you comfort someone? By the way, this is important for all children. We also strengthen what is already going well and help children become more resilient.”
Reporting code
Everyone who works with children must act according to the reporting code in the event of a suspicion of child abuse or domestic violence. This states how you deal with identifying and reporting it. There are still a lot of steps to be taken, says Nicky. She himself lost her mother at a young age, grew up insecurity and was sexually abused.
“Many professionals are insufficiently trained to start the conversation with parents in suspicions. Signals often disappear from the picture because they are not listed or not questioned,” says Nicky.
“There is also no structural attention for this subject with training courses such as the PABO. That is really crazy for words. Talking about safe growing up must be a fixed part for all children in schools. Certainly young children often do not understand what is or is not normal at home.”
Ask questions
She emphasizes that not only schools or childcare can mean something. “During the summer holidays there is a great risk that signals will be missed. If you have suspicions, it is important to talk to the child.
Do not ask any questions that you already fill in, because a child is often inclined to say what you would like to hear. “Say, for example,” Tell me, “or literally repeat what they say.” Those who are worried can always ask for advice from Veilig Thuis, without having to report immediately.
Drastic
For the children of Joeweela, Jessica and Shanesca, help came too late: they have to live with the loss of their mother. “That is incredibly sad,” says Nicky. “It is one of the most radical things you can experience. Certainly if you realize at a later age that your father or other educator is also responsible for that.”
She hopes that more attention will be paid from national politics and municipalities. “I have been working on this subject day and night for almost fifteen years, and not much has changed yet. Please have an eye for the children. I will continue to fight for it.”