FApo, four letters, an unequivocal message: Fucking Around and Find Out. In America and, more and more elsewhere, it is the acronym that an growing number of American parents has given to a new educational style. A Spartan philosophy, direct, without too many turns of words which takes the place of the gentle parentingwith its soft tones and empathy at any cost. A harder approach based on the principle of real consequences: if a child exceeds the limits, he will discover by himself what it means. No screams, no sermons or explains. I’m wrong? Find out what it entails. Alone.
FAFO parents: the new frontier of education
This is the heart of education for FAFO parents: let the choices, even the wrong ones, speak alone. No emotional blackmail, no last minute saving interventions. An approach thataccording to the Wall Street Journalwho told and documented its growth in an article that has become viral, It would be much more than a passing fashion. In fact, it would be a real change of paradigm in the world of parenting. A silent but deep reversal, born from the tiredness of a hyperactive educational model to emotions and increasingly ineffective in the face of behaviors.
The sunset of the “gentle parenting”
In recent years, the dominant model in education has been called gentle parenting: An approach based on emotional listening, on continuous dialogue, on empathy even in times of crisis. “I understand how you feel, you are entitled to your anger, let’s try to find a solution together.” All right, at least in theory. But according to many parents of the Millennial generation, there was a short circuit. “We ended up becoming hostages of the emotions of our children“Some of the mothers and fathers interviewed by the WSJ say. And it is precisely from that excess of understanding, that the opposite need was born: to return to the limit. Put the consequences back to the center.
The Fafo method is a hard, direct, without too many laps of words: if a child goes beyond the limits, he will discover by himself what it means (Getty Images)
Educate with the consequences, not with threats
The FAFO principle is brutal but simple: Do you want to find out what happens if you don’t listen to me? Foul. But then don’t expect it to protect you. Don’t you bring the jacket with the rain? Come home wet. Do you leave the toys scattered? If the vacuum cleaner takes them. Do you refuse to finish dinner? Then there are no snacks later. There is no punishment, there is no humiliation. There is only a clear logic: the actions have effects. The parent is no longer a judge, but a firm and coherent witness. Sometimes, even a spectator.
FAFO parents: fashion or necessity?
For some, It is an excessive response to a overprotective era. For others, it is the only way to prepare children for a world that does not discount. In an era in which the boys grow in hypercontrolled environments, where each discomfort is filtered or avoided, There are those who fear are losing the emotional antibodies necessary to face reality. But it is not just an educational question: Fafo is, in fact, a cultural product. Born from a generation of Parents who grew up between economic insecurity, precarious careers, exhausting social pressures. And that today, in the adult role, he finds himself dealing with children who continually test the boundaries. In short, the fafer is also a tired cry: “Enough, now it’s up to you to learn”.
The (non -trivial) criticisms of the model
Of course, there is no shortage of contrary voices. Evolutionary psychologists and pedagogists warn: The risk of the FAFO model is to confuse firmness with abandonment. Exposing a child to the consequences of his actions can be useful, but it is not always enough: it is not enough to let them find alone what is right or wrong. It also serves to explain, accompany, to give tools to understand the error. Otherwise, learning risks transforming into frustration or guilt. The real danger, the experts say, is that FAFO becomes an excuse to download the frustration of the adultmore than a pedagogical act designed.
And what do you say in Italy?
The term Fafo was born in the United States, but the echo begins to feel here too. On social networks they are more and more Video of parents showing, often with irony, the results of the approach: children left to scream in front of the closed refrigerator, backpacks forgotten at school without being recovered by the parents, rules made to respect with glacial consistency. It is true that, In a context like the Italian onestill marked by a protective family education, The FAFO model may seem extreme. However, the effort of “keeping everything together”, work, home, children, emotions, is universal. And something of this more radical logic, begins to seduce from us too.
Fafo parents, something is changing
In short, the WSJ concludes, FAFO is not the perfect solution, nor a new educational gospel. It is simply a sign of something that is changing: Parents are tired of feeling hostages And they want to return to play an active, authoritative, real role. The point is not to understand only if it “works”, but what it tells of our society and how The relationship between freedom and responsibility is renegotifiesbetween adults who struggle to find the measure and children raised in a world where the rules seem always questionable.