‘Con the other to yourself‘, in Greek’Gnōthi Seautón‘. This was the writing that stood on the temple of the God Apollo in Delphi, a warning that for centuries influenced the most important thinkers: from Socrates to Plato, from Kant to Nietzsche.
However, what sounds like a simple philosophical assumption could actually turn into a Precious mantra for psychological well -being. An invitation to recover an ability or perhaps an art that nobody teaches but what it is of fundamental importance: that atrospection. Many of the problems with which you find yourself dealing in everyday life – poor self -esteem, shaky relationships, need for approval – in fact sink the roots in the Difficulty recognizing the most authentic part of oneself and to give voice to their real needs.
Introspection: because it is important
Fin from childhoodexternal conditioning and social pressures inevitably bring to silence and put aside what you feel and really want. The result? You find yourself as adults to deal with more or less typical disorders – as migraine, muscle tension and stomach burning – but above all with a remarkable level of anxiety, insecurity and dissatisfaction.
How to reverse the course? To explain it, in the book “The world with your eyes ” (published by Rizzoli) are Anna De Simone and Ana Maria Sepe, founders of Psychoadvisor, The very popular online magazine of Psychology. In this new volume, the two psychologists deepen the theme of the introspection and knowledge of “self”providing readers with useful tools for Forget those self -deceptions that threaten the possibility of living happily and at peace with themselves every day.
The book that helps to clarify within itself
«Our desire was that of give useful indications to help people get in touch with themselves – explains Anna De Simone. – Unfortunately in our culture there is a gap: there is no emotional education that should also be taught in schools. Paradoxically, however, Since childhood, we are taught to lie to ourselves. We think, for example, of a child On the first day of school, terrified of the idea of separating from the parental figures. The classic sentence that is said is ‘You don’t have to be afraid, you will see, you’ll be fine at school …’ In this way though He teaches himself to the child to remove fear and not to deal with it. It is precisely this dynamic that ends in the long run to lead us away from ourselves. Growing, in fact, Instead of dealing with our emotions, validate them, we tend to remove them. We shift attention elsewhere and this makes us deceptive with ourselves too ».
The cover of the book “The world with your eyes” (Rizzoli)
Introspection: why do we lie to ourselves?
A problem that is not a small, considering how pervasive the ability to lie to oneself can be.
«To explain it in the book we told theexperiment of the grasshoppers, conducted in 1961 by American psychologist Ewart Smith – explains Anna De Simone again. – some American soldiers were asked to eating cares and then to fill in an approval questionnaire. The first group, however, was given a cash reward, while at the second it was only authoritative in an authoritative way what they had to do. Well: from the satisfaction questionnaires, the second group was proposed to express Greater judgments of pleasantness. This is because, Without a reward, the soldiers had had to resort to a fictitious narrative For justify yourself the fact of having eaten horses. That is, they had self-condivated that all in all that food was not so bad. This is the tangible proof of how much we can come to lie to us stessthe”.
The search for a consistency takes us off the road
At the base, a little known but illuminating mechanism, that of the internal consistency. In other words, there is a generalized tendency that pushes to seek consistency between one’s beliefs, attitudes and actions. When You do something that does not reflect your values, you are brought to experiment with a state of dissonance that disturbs And that pushes to eliminate the distance between what you do and what you should do based on your principles. The problem is that this distance is eliminated not by adapting the behavior to what you think – as it would be right, albeit tiring to do – but instead adapting one’s beliefs. And then coming to betray or in any case deceive yourself. “Of course, none of us are told to eat cars, but How many times is we asked to join the models that do not reflect us? – explains Anna De Simone again. – These are these dynamics that in the long run can get away more and more from who we are. The external pressures are there and they will always be there but if no one teaches us to face them we will always be forced to lie to each other».
Auto deception: the price to pay is often high
The problem, however, is that these Self -engineer can cost very expensive. Always put aside yourself, always say yes, accept compromisecan have Noteworthy consequences on mental well -being. These dynamics generate frustration, anxiety but often also lead to Collect wrong relationships and surround themselves with toxic people.
«Being too condescending and submissive over the years increases the risk of finding themselves surrounded by prevaricating people who love to decide, control and make you feel lower – explain the authors. – In short, it is not the fate that always and only meets “wrong people” A sort of natural selection».
Housewife or Attractive Middle-Auged Woman Relaxing at home on an outdoor patio against shady greenry with a tablet pc on her lap and hands to her long dark hair
Introspection: the importance of looking inside
So this is why to make introspection e Learning to listen to yourself is a practice of fundamental well -beingof which each one should treasure. It is certainly not easy. The first step? Learn to listen to your emotions.
«As adults we tend to do with us what our parents did – the authors still underline – Let’s try to quell our emotions without even trying to understand what they want to transmit to us. We sit down to the sound of compulsive shopping, scrolling on social networks or with other distrating activities. Instead We have to learn to live them. The emotions, which many of us feel like an obstacle, are actually the needle of a very powerful compass. Emotions and thoughts are the pulsating engine of our actions and are the elements that orient us in life ».
First step: listen to your emotions
«To listen to our emotions, the first thing to do It is learning to stay in the discomfort – suggests Anna De Simone. – At the start Any emotion can be uncomfortable. Supporting the initial, inevitable and physiological discomfort, however, allows you to then confidence with our emotional states that represent a precious guide. Only thanks to emotions can we understand where we feel safeif a relationship can be, for example, dangerous. And then we cannot Really realizing our aspiration deeperif we do not learn to look inside and listen to our inner world ».
The exercise to try
A Self-scratched exercise What can it be useful to put into practice in everyday life?
“Get used to to ask questions – The founders of Psychoadvisor conclude. – These are the questions that open new perspectives. Everything is fine our daily choice should be guided by a simple but powerful question: Why am I choosing this? Why, for example, do I want to make this trip? I do it for me or to post the photos on social media and show others where have I been? In short What expectations are really proper and how many, however, have been generated by external pressures. How much their choices reflect what you want today and how much, however, the shortcomings of the past can weigh. If we begin to reflect on the way we respond to the events of our daily lifeif we start a cultivate self-reflectiveness, We can really take back our life. And come back to see the world with our eyes ».
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