CAra Ester,
It is the second time that I write a letter addressed to your box, and I always write about the same person. I am twenty -four years old, I live and study by Fuorizede from three: a ‘little’ life, not too exciting, I a great nerd. He has a year more than me. And we broke up from 3: 3 years of pull and spring, I want you and I don’t want you, I want you and wait, I want you but I want another. Now after an intense year of rapprochements, of good moments and great serenity, he asks me to be aside because he wants to see how life goes without me (and with another, specifically).
And therefore from one day to the next (really: on Monday we planned a concert together, on Saturday the greetings arrived) goodbye daily conversations, good morning and how are you? How is this shirt me? What do you eat for lunch? And everything else. I ask him: but how do we do it? He replies: I don’t know, but that’s what I want. I’m angry because that’s not what I want. But the rest, in short, how does it pass? He is the first love, the first everything, even, perhaps, a little a point of reference. Will anyone ever live up? Will someone ever be better? All this pain, and also this pissed off, will be useful to me? Consolami, or give me a moral slap.
Thank you
G.
Ester Viola’s answer
Dear G.
All as it has to go, there is no need to worry, moral slaps are not needed. Nobody is so good to skip the steps, it happens only to a few very few luckies who fall in love well and without too many scarring. People who have been bad you are at most, then passed. These are favorable circumstances, not people capable of choosing. The good or bad love do the things they happen,
Here’s what it’s up to everyone, we have already talked about it.
A. The imaginary relationship
The loving subject falls in love with the first one who passes. The PCP,
annoyed by that love but above all from morbidly it takes to ignore it in
All possible ways.
Two. The relationship “I really like you”
The love of the second experience is still ignored, but not entirely and not always. Not systematically. The second that passes is not so selfless. But not very interested. So why don’t you let themselves be convinced? How come? “I like you a little” it’s not zero, it’s more than zero. It will be seen that it is zero. The loving subject learns the second table of the law. Love: He does not obey by asking him.
Three. Illusion
After a little exercise, the loving subject begins to get infurious. He thinks he has become the Churchill of relationships. You know, I have accumulated experience. It falls in love. It takes other sber. It is accepted that the fool ever has remained: experiences never profit because it is always convinced that the next one is a new and original case, he is right Proust.
Four. Tiredness
Nothing great is done without tiredness. The loving subject thinks he is at the limit. He is no longer loved. It has become a discreet selfish. He cares about pleasure. Pleases. It’s time. Good people are interested. The loving subject looks back incredulous, reflects on his collection of errors and wonders why he did not start before with this powerful demolition work of the great A. Now the Great A follows him as a kind dog. From here on, you get to the mini-Divisio. You choose where to stay. The seats are all free and nobody knows where the part of the wrong and on which side the reason is, so everyone is invited to sit where he polite the show and resolve in this way.
Those who change
Heat his head on the wall, the wall makes the miracle. Those who generally call the satisfied, or those who have made a lukewarm choice, belong to this breed. That is, relationships that work without ailments. Always compated to the self -styled lovers of Orthodox. They are the ones who decided that love would take it back but more to measure. Love get it for construction, not for blessing. Prosaics to the maximum degree, someone says they are the real fierce.
Those who don’t feel like changing
Botte at the walls have taken them too, but they can’t stop. The thought that the problem is not those who meet but the pretensions you have does not pass him for the brain. According to them, poetry must win. He likes too much to feel in that certain way, the blow to the head, even if after he makes them crack with pain. They fall in love with twenty years even when they have forty, indeed they demand it. You feel them claiming to be on the right side, because love is very strong or you have to throw it.
High fidelity
“I never had a wild crush on Laura, and this at the beginning gave me to think about the possibilities of a long -term future: I had always thought – and seen how it went to, perhaps I still think so now – that every relationship needs that kind of terrible spintone that the crush represents, it is essential to give you the abbum stop you, then you need to look around and see what has been achieved.
Usual Nick Horby. Who knows G. How much does it take and what it takes, if you fall in love is really the first and instead find out that it is an after, and you have to deal with each one for itself, there are no advice and there are no discounts.
Relationships, broken hearts
I don’t remember where I read – in a broken heart of the heart led to be cured by the doctor – of a single question that the analyst was the patient. The patient in question was a girl who – very young – was like everyone set for having to fall in love, looking for someone, and a continuation was flanked. Years of pain and did not pass.
And the question was: “Imagine, they give you the security that in ten years you will be happy and with someone. So by removing the concern of having to look for it, how would you commit the next ten years?”.
I put a hand on my forehead. Because it is a good question, a question with an infinite potential. A question that is better than the thousand answers that anyone could give you, a question, if you put it on your head and leave it, capable of doing great businesses.
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