Dear people, I’ll say it right away: I had no idea. There are so many things that can go wrong with a renovation. Of course, during my own renovation, three years ago, things sometimes went wrong. And I regularly watch the TV show about horror renovations I leave. So I did know something.
But since the housing market is locked and everyone is really renovating, the whole country is sizzling with renovation stress. Remodeling has become a national trauma.
Anyway, I got hundreds of responses, when I inquired about it on Twitter. Flooded basements, sagging facades, leaking extensions, clogged sewers – so many that I decided to make a diptych of it.
With this week: the 13 things that always go wrong with a renovation, and then next week: tips to survive a horror renovation. Hold on.
1 A renovation is always at least a billion more expensive than budgeted and always takes 100 times longer than planned.
That means that a bathroom that you had a month for with a bit of luck will be finished in a year, an extension that on paper takes three months, takes two years, and that a new floor will not be finished until 2028 at the earliest – if you start tomorrow.
Hence the exorbitant costs. Also don’t forget the VAT that is never on the quote. An additional 21 percent is always added to the entire amount. Surprise!
2
If you already receive a quote.
Because contractors are no longer to be found at the moment. A friend emailed that he had inquired about a new bathroom last month and was advised to try again in two years. Craftsmen have become as rare as panda bears.
3
But once you finally have a contractor, you’re not safe yet.
Because contractors… Well. They are usually unreachable, readers wrote, or, even worse: they end up in jail. Or go bankrupt. By the way, that is usually when your roof has just been taken off, the front facade has been knocked out, the first down payment has been made, or if all these things have happened at the same time.
4
Eventually you will hear nothing from your contractor.
Then even calling, texting and stalking no longer makes sense. Then he is off to the next job and you have to finish the rest yourself.
5
Nowadays, all materials have an average delivery time of two years.
Unfortunately, once the tiles have run out, they can no longer be reordered. The kitchen farmer goes bankrupt, but fortunately can deliver half of the stuff. You can’t get the other half anywhere, or in, right, two years. The skylights are leaking and the supplier is not answering the phone. The roof tiles have been stolen from the garden and when you turn on the lights, they go out at the neighbors. With a bit of luck, this will also be resolved in two years.
6
The stucco has to dry a million times longer than expected so that the painters are no longer available when everything is finally dry.
When the floor has hardened, they always forgot to route one important pipe. One professional berates the other: “Who plastered/joined/installed this? I would never accept that.”
7
Arguing with neighbors and friends.
Because you have been washing, cooking and showering with your friends for months, you lose them one by one until you are alone. Things will never get better with the neighbors anyway because of the months of drilling, droning, sawing and drilling that starts every day at 6.30 am and continues on public holidays and weekends. People who renovate always get divorced, sorry. Anyway, then you have the newly renovated house for yourself!
8
Your new floor will be ruined by the painters.
The (still wet) paintwork is covered in dust because a tile still had to be sawn. The paint that looked ‘white with a hint of grey’ on the sample turns out to be bright pink in reality. The cement has to be poured again because the cat was accidentally bricked in. The dishwasher appears to discharge its water directly into the crawl space. The sewage system is clogged. When fixing the sewage system, a gas pipe is hit and, of course, the data cable is cut in half when repairing the gas pipe.
9
The construction crew shits on your toilet every day, even when the water is turned off – because a Dixi is another hassle.
After that you spend weeks chipping the pot clean. A new one would be more convenient, but unfortunately that type is no longer available.
10
All mirrors hang too high and they can’t go down, because then you can see the drill hole.
Due to a wrong pipe, the toilet is flushed with hot water, but unfortunately the walls have already been wiped, so that cannot be remedied. Because the counter top is a few millimeters too wide, the sink does not fit and the kitchen cover plates are too narrow – this goes wrong a total of four times.
11
The newly poured floor is just a little too high, so that the doors can no longer be closed.
The front door is five centimeters too short (!) and the men who come to deliver the new washing machine damage the freshly painted stairs. The one wall that was removed turned out to be a load-bearing wall after all.
12
The inspector comes to take a look, approves everything and the municipality halts construction.
Then your courtship will finish everything, the treasure, so that you have to camp in the living room for another five years, cook in the basement on a stove from the Ac-tion and with an umbrella in the bath – because there is a leak – you have to do your laundry. After three years you call RTL crying and beg for John Williams van Help my husband is a handyman – who does not come.
13
You are now eight months pregnant – hashtag pink cloud – the drain (and the new floor) has to be opened because it contains cement, a rat infestation has started, and a fly infestation due to the dead rats. And woodworm.
But in the end it will be beautiful!
A version of this article also appeared in the January 10, 2023 newspaper