There is a beautiful colorful tattoo on the arm of Lin (26). She drew it herself, a few days after the death of her younger sister Dunya. “We both did not have an easy childhood,” says Lin.
Lin talks calmly and openly about the loss of her young sister. Even though it’s only been a year, she’s “processed it well.”
Lin and Dunya grew up together in foster families and lived in Eindhoven and Halsteren, among other places. “We experienced domestic violence at a young age and were then removed from our home. Dunya was two at the time.” She doesn’t want to say much more about it. The sisters remained close, even when Dunya could not stay in her foster family and ended up in closed youth care.
“It was a traumatic time for her.”
Living in a closed institution did Dunya no good, Lin says softly. “It caused her psychological complaints, and later even physical ones, such as epilepsy.” Ultimately, Dunya decided that she could no longer continue. “She requested euthanasia from the doctor, but she did not receive it,” says Lin.
With the doctor she decided that she would ‘consciously stop eating and drinking’ (BSTD). People who want to end their lives, for whatever reason, can do so under the guidance of a doctor. “That really takes a lot of strength,” says Lin. “You really have to want to keep it going.”
“Who am I to say: you can’t do that, you have to live?”
It was extremely difficult for Lin to support her sister, because she wanted Dunya to continue fighting. “I wanted her to get help and not give up.”
It was tough supporting her sister because Lin wanted her to keep fighting. “I hoped she would get help and not give up.” Yet Lin turned around. “The GP agreed to the process, and they don’t just do that. Then I realized that this was really what she wanted. And suddenly I thought: who am I to say that I don’t support this?”
That’s why Lin was there for her sister by visiting as often as possible. “I no longer found it difficult to support her.” She explains: “If someone takes their own life, it can be a fit of desperation. This was a long process, in consultation with a doctor.”
It took almost three weeks for Dunya to die. “If she hadn’t really wanted it, she wouldn’t have succeeded.”
“When the sun shines, Dunya is everywhere.”
After the funeral, Lin sat behind her laptop and drew the tattoo. “I found drawing healing,” she says. “I was looking forward to having it done, it felt like I had her with me again.” The tattoo helped her deal with the sadness.
“In English Daisy. That was the name of Dunya’s dog. She loved it!”. says Lin beaming. There were also daisies at the funeral. “Now when the sun shines or spring comes, I think about her extra.” There is a ladybug on the daisy. “That had to be included, because Dunya always joked that she would come back to earth as a ladybug.”
“I want others to know that when you lose someone, you are never alone.”
When something bothers Lin, she takes support from the tattoo. “I think: how would Dunya do this, what would she advise me? She always said: ‘keep taking care of yourself when I’m not there’. I’ll take that with me.”
Now Lin is committed to supporting others who have experienced something similar: young people who lost someone or had a difficult time in youth care. “I have officially graduated as an expert by experience a month ago,” she says proudly. “I was already allowed to share my story about my recovery after death with the GGD.”
She especially wants to tell others that you are not alone. “It’s extremely cliché, but there are always people who will understand you. So share your story, because it really helps.”
Talking about thoughts of suicide helps. You can call the 113 Suicide Prevention Foundation 24 hours a day on 0900 0113 or chat via and 113.nl.