Many people feel that in a love relationship they end up losing themselves. What really does that mean?
Getting lost to the same is to stop flowing. It is believed that, for the relationship to work, you have to adapt the whole life to the other person. Then it is always available, the guilt appears when saying “I can’t” or “I don’t want”, because the fear of abandonment arises. The mind thinks that if you put a limit you will be neglected, and thus the confusion, wear and excessive delivery arrive. That is not love: it is giving in for fear. And there an addictive bond is built through submission, reflections Luciana.
Why does control of care or protection usually confuse?
Because sometimes it is difficult to identify the limit. At first, certain attitudes seem protection, but over time you stop being yourself: your interests stop importing, you move away from your healthy links, you lose enthusiasm and even smile. Anxiety is installed and the body begins to live the relationship as an obligation. That discomfort is a symptom that gives a clear message: you are being controlled. And the healthiest, says Luciana, “is to recognize it and get out of there as soon as possible.”
What are the silent signals that can indicate that we are trapped in a control relationship?
One of the clearest is to devote too much time to think how to avoid the anger of the other person. It’s like walking in a mined field: you’re thinking about where to step on. Anxiety appears in the face of their reactions and the rumination of thoughts, trying to anticipate so that they do not exploit their anger, their anger or their mistreatment. Thus the submission is accepted not to be abandoned.
Another signal is constant guilt, excessive jealousy and isolation of containment links. Phrases like “No one is going to take care of you like me” are emotional blackmail, and that already constitutes psychological violence.
How does a healthy, free and reciprocal love feel instead?
You feel peace, Luciana Quiroga replies. The difference between a healthy and toxic bond is not in the absence of conflicts, but in the way of solving them. In a healthy relationship there is empathy, listening, dialogue capacity and love. There is no competition, or fighting of powers, or submission.
When someone discovers that what loved love is actually damaging him, what steps can he take?
The first step is to become aware. Then, reflect on the reasons to leave and accept that the exit will hurt. Abstinence will appear, missing, but mental health has to be the priority.
The psychologist says that “strengthening self -esteem, strengths and decision -making capacity is key.” And he concludes: “Building in the inner world a safe place is our responsibility. It is the beginning of a beautiful path: that of healing, self -care and the decision to choose ourselves.”
Acknowledgments:
Photos: Elinauliarte @elinauliarte
CONTACT:
Liciana Quiroga Psychologist MP 709
+54 9 2646734654
Networks:
IG @PSICOLUSIQUEQUE; Facebook Luciana Quiroga
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