It started with a short news report. “A 24-year-old man from Oisterwijk punched an officer in the face and bit his calf. His parents called the police because he did not want to leave their house.” Shortly afterwards, his father called Omroep Brabant. “I would like to tell you how it got to this point. Not only for our son, but also for other people who encounter our problems.”
This is the story of Rick*, 24 years old, autistic and with various mental disorders. Severely addicted to drugs. He has been in various institutions since he was eight. His parents are in despair.
“It was terrible to see such a small child with so many frustrations.”
Jurgen* (53) and Aafke* (54) live in a cozy house near the center of Oisterwijk with a sweet dog and two cats. They have two children, a boy and a girl. Rick is the oldest. When he was little, they already noticed that he was different. “Rick could sometimes get very angry out of nowhere,” father Jurgen reflects. “Then he was so powerless that he didn’t know what to do with his anger. It was terrible to see such a small child with so many frustrations.”
Research showed that Rick has autism. When he was eight, it was clear that he needed professional help and could no longer live at home. For years he was in all kinds of youth institutions. When he was 15, he ended up at the GGzE in Eindhoven. It then turned out that there was much more going on and that he was suffering from various disorders.
“Rick has an anxiety and aggression disorder. He also thinks he is suffering from all kinds of diseases. That he dies because he has cancer, for example. That’s so real to him that it really freaks him out. It is an interaction, everything is connected. His behavior, his reactions, there is so much inability that it makes him very aggressive.”
“We were so happy that he had someone in his life with whom he was so happy.”
Last summer: Rick is now 24, smokes cannabis and occasionally takes a pill. He is also in love with Lena* from Germany. They have been together for two years. Just like Rick, Lena has psychological problems. She is unstable in life, has borderline and regularly talks about suicide. “Two wandering souls, sometimes so entangled with themselves. But their love for each other was very great,” says Jurgen. “We were so happy that he had someone in his life with whom he was so happy.”
In June, Lena asked Rick to come and spend a few days with her on holiday. The GGzE gave him permission to go. “But once he got there, she wouldn’t let him in. He was not welcome,” says Aafke. “Why, he didn’t know. She didn’t open the door for him. “Go home, I don’t want you here,” she shouted. He called us upset. We then booked him a hotel where he could sleep, because he wanted to stay there.”
“For two days, Rick sat on a bench on the street outside Lena’s house, hoping she would let him in. He knocked on the door, begging her to open it. And then, while he was waiting there, Lena committed suicide, along with a friend of hers who was also in the house, a boy of 17. They took pills that they had bought online.”
“After Lena’s death, things went downhill.”
“It was so gruesome and terrible that it would traumatize any person. But Rick, who is already dealing with everything so intensely, was completely blown away by it,” says Jurgen emotionally. “After her death, things went downhill. He went back to the GGzE. He sometimes came home during the day, so that he did not have to deal with his grief alone. Then we took him back to Eindhoven in the evening. We also arranged a grief therapist with whom he could talk about what had happened to him.”
Rick left the GGZ around that time without permission. He had a lot of trouble with the strict rules. “He was sometimes late in the morning due to his sleep disorder. Then he had to stay inside for 24 hours. That broke him up.” In the meantime, his care authorization, which means that someone is required to stay in an institution, was not extended. According to Jurgen and Aafke, this was deliberate, because he was a ‘difficult case’. “He was in very bad shape and yet they let him go. That should never have happened. “Good luck,” they said to us. And we were able to do it with that.”
Although everyone saw that Rick urgently needed professional help, his parents were sent from pillar to post. “We were told that a team from GGz Breburg in Tilburg would step in to help Rick. But when we had questions, they said they didn’t know him and that he was never registered. They couldn’t help us in Eindhoven either, because he was no longer a client there.”
“Rick blamed himself for Lena’s death and blamed himself a lot.”
In the meantime, Rick sought refuge in hard drugs. He couldn’t cope with the loss of Lena. Rick’s mother says: “His world stood still. Due to his autism he did not understand many things and kept repeating things. You could say whatever you wanted, but nothing would work. He blamed himself for her death and blamed himself a lot. “I wish I had kicked the door in,” he said. It was no longer manageable for him.”
He became more and more aggressive. Things went so wrong at home several times that the police had to intervene. “Then he also focused his aggression on the officers,” says Jurgen. “We had a knife block in the kitchen on the counter. We removed that as a precaution, out of fear of what could happen. He destroyed our interior from top to bottom. If he had used, he would be walking around here with syringes and everything. It was an intolerable situation.”
“It is best to throw him out of the house,” officers advised us. And we did so with pain in our hearts. Sending your own child away is the worst thing you can do as a parent. We hardly sleep. Worries keep us awake. We would prefer to have him here, but that’s just not possible. It’s too dangerous.”
“Rick overdosed on drugs several times because he missed his girlfriend so much.”
Rick wandered the streets for a while. His parents arranged for him to go to the Traverse homeless shelter. And if he wasn’t under the influence during the day, he was allowed to come home. “Then he could take a shower and eat something.”
“He deliberately overdosed on drugs several times at the shelter because he missed his girlfriend so much,” says Aafke. People saw him lying on the street when he could no longer do anything. They thought he was dead. Rick was admitted to hospital four times, it was always borderline.”
The last time the hospital sent a letter stating that Rick really needed to be admitted. He then spent some time in the crisis shelter of Jan Wierhof, part of GGz Breburg, but he was allowed to go outside there during the day and he turned to drugs again. “That was only for three weeks,” says Rick’s father somberly. “They didn’t want to do anything else for him. And Rick didn’t accept help either. He hid drugs all over his room and when he had used he would destroy things and be aggressive.”
“Then we called the police.”
After three weeks, Rick was back on the street. He lived outside, slept on a vacant lot in the woods of Oisterwijk. He also tried to take his own life there. He slid more and more and was now really in the gutter.
That particular Sunday, a few weeks ago, the situation escalated. “Rick called, he had used a lot. “I don’t know where I am,” he said. ‘You have to help me.’ When his father picked him up, he had lost all his belongings, his money, his cell phone. “We then said, you have to leave soon because you have used and then we don’t want you here. He then lay down on top of the bed. We then called the police.”
“He said to the officers: ‘I need help, I can’t do it alone.” And then: ‘I’m going to commit suicide’. “Don’t say anything strange, Rick,” they said. “We’re going to leave here first and then we’ll talk about it again.” He turned around and punched the officer right in the face. And then he said casually: “There. And now I’m getting help.” It really was a cry for help. Pure desperation.
“It’s very difficult to have a child like that.”
Rick has been held in prison in Grave since his arrest. “Are we happy with that? No,” says Jurgen somberly. “But it’s the best of worst scenarios. Now there will most likely be a mandatory admission for him. He really needs to undergo rehabilitation and be guided.”
He will always remain ill, his parents know. “It is very difficult to have such a child, but even more difficult not to be heard,” says Aafke. We have rattled so many gates with no results.”
They worry about the future. Father Jurgen: “I just want to know that there is a place where he is in safe hands and where they are good to him. And when I’m old, I can die peacefully knowing that he is taken care of.”
In response to Rick’s story, GGzE in Eindhoven said: “We are concerned about the suffering of this young man and his parents as outlined in this article. For privacy reasons, we cannot respond to specific cases of (alleged) , former or potential) clients. Our belief is that every healthcare professional, regardless of organization, will always strive to provide the best possible solution.”
*For privacy reasons, we do not use the real names of Rick, Aafke, Jurgen and Lena.
Talking about thoughts of suicide helps. You can call the 113 Suicide Prevention Foundation 24 hours a day on 0800 0113 or chat via and 113.nl.