AND a very classic topic: the mistakes that are made at the beginning of a relationship and that make the other person run away. And since it is mostly women who do a self-analysis of what works or doesn’t work once the relationship is over, obviously we often talk about female mistakes. To be honest, in fact there is one that we women very often commit, even involuntarily and only once: the wanting to speed up the process. But unfortunately he is not the only one.
5 mistakes that women sometimes make at the beginning of a relationship
It is not at all certain that all women commit them. However, it can happen that, at the beginning of the story, we tend to “get excited” and get caught up in the enthusiasm we tend to speed up times a lot: «It’s a very common mistake that happens because you have difficulty finding a balance between the desire to build a solid and lasting relationship and respect for the natural timing of a relationship. We are often torn between the desire to create intimacy and the fear of losing the other. When emotions take over logic, you make mistakes that, paradoxically, take you away from what you want» explains the MioDottore psychologist Alessia Cipriano. And the excitement of the early days causes you to make some mistakes, five in particular, that can scare the other person. Here are the other 5 mistakes that are usually made at the beginning of a relationship.
Mistake 1: Unrealistic expectations and accelerated times
Imagine yourself. Imagine yourself on holiday together, imagine going out with your friends and having a perfect evening, imagine that your friends will like Him, imagine introducing Him to your relatives, imagine the engagement ring. Etc. etc. It is with these imaginations that we can begin to be ahead of our time. Caught up in the enthusiasm of the beginning we lose sight of the fact that these are the early days and we have only just known each other. It is one of the first mistakes made at the beginning of a relationship, usually the most widespread.
«Building unrealistic expectations too early leads to living more in the future than in the present. Projecting your own desires onto the other, without really knowing him, it creates constant pressure that, over time, could lead to estrangement. Anticipating the stages of a relationship may seem natural when there is strong interest, but this often results in premature choices. Planning trips together too soon, making family introductions when the foundations are still fragile or exchanging house keys without deep confidence are signs that the relationship is progressing too quickly” explains the psychologist. The consequence? That the other person feels overwhelmed from desires and dreams that perhaps over time he can also develop but not immediately and not at the beginning. Therefore feeling trapped in a future he did not choose.
How to fix it? Enjoying the moment: «The first stages of an acquaintance are unique and deserve to be experienced fully. The first look that lasts a second too long, the first message that makes you smile, the first date that makes you feel butterflies in your stomach, the first time your hands touch by chance. They are precious moments that, once lost chasing the “after”, will never return. Personal values and aspirations are fundamental, but a solid relationship is built by living each moment for what it is, allowing knowledge to develop according to its natural rhythm. Only in this way can we build something true, based on reality and not on projections and expectations.”
Mistake 2: Not communicating your needs
A great classic among the errors that are commented at the beginning of a relationship: if the other person really knows me, he should understand/intuit what I think. Thinking like this, however, puts the other person in a difficult situation and above all we feel bad about nothing.
«Imagine, for example, if every time you need a little space, instead of saying it clearly, you choose to retreat in silence. The other person, without knowing what is happening, might interpret the behavior as disinterest or, worse, as a sign that something is wrong. This dynamic creates frustration, as if the other was always at fault, incapable of satisfying expectations that he never had the opportunity to know. Over time, the lack of clarity can become a real burden. The other person may start to feel like it’s never enough, and the difficulty in “reading” the signals correctly can create a growing distance. In the long run, this leads to frustration and, slowly, estrangement.” Not to mention that, by dint of accumulating disappointments, in the end you develop resentment which then explodes into an argument. And silence, which may initially seem like a form of protection, ends up fueling a tension that makes the relationship difficult and heavy, rather than light and natural. The solution? Talk, simply.
Mistake 3: Being too available
Does the other person send a message? We reply immediately. Call? Answered on the first ring. Do you propose to meet? Yes, he’s practically already at the appointment. It’s good to be available but being too available can become a problem. Why “it can compromise the dynamic of attraction that is fundamental in the initial stages of a relationship. When you are always present, the relationship can start to feel more like a “routine” than an interesting experience. If, for example, you always respond immediately to every message, without ever taking a moment for yourself, the other person might start to think that you don’t have a life outside of them. This could cause a cooling in his interest. It’s not about ignoring the other or becoming indifferent, but about maintain one’s own balance, showing that the relationship is an added value, not the only purpose.”
What is the risk in this case? To have completely eliminated the mystery from the relationship. Making yourself want a little, not responding immediately but waiting, not giving in excessively is what keeps interest and curiosity alive. «A practical example could be to spend the whole day with him, promptly responding to his every request, but without ever having moments for yourself. In this case, you may end up neglecting your own needs as well the relationship could begin to be based more on constant availability than on the genuine pleasure of being together. The trick is finding the right balance: showing yourself present, but without losing yourself and your individuality. When you have a full life, with passions, hobbies and friends, the other feels even more attracted, because the relationship is something enriching, not necessary» explains the expert.
Mistake 4: wanting to “change” the other person
It’s a typical scene in romantic comedies: there is a man who is with a completely wrong woman and who tries to change him completely, first of all in his way of dressing. How does it end? Who break up. A practical, and trivial, example for an error that can happen: when faced with behavior from the other person, which we consider a defect, we have the tendency to change it. Result? The other person gets tense and we get frustrated.
«It may happen that certain behaviors or ways of thinking of the other are not welcome. In these situations, it can be tempting to give advice on what to do, how to behave or what to change, hoping that the other person will understand that your point of view is the right one. However, this attitude ends up communicating that the other is not accepted for who he or she is. Everyone has imperfections, e.g a solid relationship is based on the ability to accept the other with their strengths and weaknesses. Trying to change the other person not only risks making them distance themselves, but also creates frustration, because it is not accepted for what it is. This can lead to a growing distance between the two. Each person has their own path and, if certain behaviors are incompatible with their values, it is important to address them openly, without trying to force a change. Strong relationships are based on mutual acceptance and respect, without the need to transform for each other.”
Mistake 5: Not setting boundaries
Expressing your boundaries is a healthy way to build a strong relationship. Just often you don’t do it for fear of losing the other person. «Not expressing one’s limits may seem like a momentary sacrifice, but in the long run it accumulates tension, which inevitably leads to resentment. We enter a vicious circle in which small uncommunicated ailments grow over time, turning into conflicts which are no longer linked to a single gesture, but are the result of everything that has not been said. This silence leads to growing frustration, and the relationship can become difficult to manage.”
The solution? Set limits to build a healthy and balanced relationship. «Communicating to your partner what you don’t like allows you to avoid frustration and resentment, creating a space in which both can grow freely, without compromises that damage everyone’s well-being» concludes the psychologist.
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