Ctry to get someone else to do something we want them to do, stating the opposite or behaving in the opposite way than what we think. Simplifying, we could describe reverse psychology in this way, a mechanism that can have multiple facets, depending on the contexts and purposes for which it is used.
One of the areas in which the so-called reverse psychology, or opposite psychology, is mostly used is that of education. The classic example? The child who does not want to eat vegetables: the more his parents try to force him, the less he will want to eat them. But what happens if vegetables are presented as a food that only adults can eat? In all likelihood they will acquire the ‘allure of the forbidden’ and begin to be seen as something inviting. Although it certainly cannot be considered an educational method to always be applied across the board reverse psychology with children it may prove to be a small stratagem to facilitate certain dynamics.
Reverse psychology: what it means
But the same is true also in other contexts?
In particular, use the reverse psychology in love it can really help in the seduction game for conquer a person or in a couple relationship that is a bit in crisis to revive the relationship? We asked these questions to psychologist and psychotherapist, relationship expert, Carolina Traverso.
«Let’s start by saying that reverse psychology it’s something we all apply from time to time, not only with children – explains the psychotherapist. – The classic example is when we feel insecure and we say sentences like “this cake I made turned out really badly”, so that others tell us the exact opposite, reassuring us.” However, the matter is different if we talk about reverse psychology as a strategy to make someone fall in love.
Reverse psychology in love
«In relationships the classic example is thinking “I don’t show him that I like him, I ignore him, so he will be interested in me” – explains Carolina Traverso again. – It’s about a dynamics which is quite typical when you are young and still have little experience but in reality it is quite risky: if we like someone and we don’t show them at all that we are interested it’s not for sure that this person understands it or automatically you take an interest in us. The other great classic is ‘don’t go to bed right away with a personeven if you feel like doing it, because so it will be a serious story. It is an illusion, often dictated by outdated codes of behavior, because there is no certainty that it will have to be this way».
Making yourself desired: does it work?
We often resort to reverse psychology even by denying ourselves, so as to ‘to be desired’ on the other. An effective conquest strategy?
«It depends on how we understand it – replies Carolina Traverso. – If being desired means pretend we don’t want to see a person even when we want to see themit’s not a smart strategy and it won’t work. If being desired means being able to give space to the other person so that they can also take the initiative, without overwhelming her with our attention, giving her time to see if she is interested in us and also giving us time to evaluate this, then yes, it is a good strategy. But it’s one thing different from ‘making oneself desired’is to be understood rather as allow situations to proceed without hassle and without pressure».
‘I’m not looking for a serious story’
Another example of reverse psychology? Dealing with the classic type who goes from one story to another and shuns stable relationships, and make him understand not to look for a serious relationshipwith the hope that this attitude can trigger the opposite desire in him.
“Also in this case, It is not written anywhere that this strategy leads him to be interested in a serious story – underlines Carolina Traverso. – Tactics in love they can only function marginally, at the beginning and in the short term but they may not be a viable long-term approach to establish a relationship. And this is because relationships presuppose an authentic and sincere exchange.”
Reverse psychology in love: the risks
«Resorting to strategies in love is risky: use a tactic sIt means never being able to be yourself – underlines Carolina Traverso again. – Even if a reverse psychology strategy were to work and serve to seduce someone, we would find ourselves wondering who that someone was seduced by: Most likely from a mask and not the real person. In short, it becomes It’s tiring to keep a relationship going on these premises. A relationship that cannot be considered love but control or manipulation».
Reverse psychology to spice up the relationship
Even when you have been together for a long time and the relationship seems to have entered a stalemate, you can give in to the temptation to use reverse psychology in love to spice up the relationship or to test your partner. Maybe feigning disinterest to see if he still cares, or else making him jealous…
«These too tactics are risky – however, the expert warns. – It’s one thing to prod lightly, it’s another thing to provoke: you must first understand how the other person lives. It is not said that when faced with certain attitudes, he appears more interested, on the contrary. He could experience these dynamics as an attack on the relationship, a lack of respect in an already difficult moment for the couple.”
Beware of misunderstandings
Relationship problems, autumn park
And be careful: the same applies when, in a couple, you try to make the other do what you want by flaunting the oppositeof the type “I push you to be with your friends so maybe you’ll want to be with me”. Or even when we try to appear indifferent towards i behaviors of others that cause annoyance, in the hope that this indifference can serve to change things.
“Actually if we don’t openly communicate what we want or what bothers us, the partner may have no idea that there is a problem – explains Carolina Traverso. – The risk is give rise to misunderstandings which can then be difficult to manage. This is why it is always better to focus on open communication.”
If the strategies indicate insecurity
Not to mention what to try to do systematically resort to strategies to seduce or make a relationship work can be an indication of insecurity and severely undermine self-esteem.
«Using strategies means taking it for granted that, if we showed ourselves for what we are and what we desirea person wouldn’t want to really get to know us and wouldn’t even be able to love us – explains Carolina Traverso. – It’s a dynamic that has its roots in low self-esteem and which, as in a sort of vicious circle, lowers self-esteem even further because it feeds the idea that the only way we can keep a person close to us is to manipulate them».
Reverse psychology: between strategies and manipulation
And speaking of manipulation, there are cases where the reverse psychology, used systematically as a strategy of conquesttakes on decisive implications worrying. Never heard of PUA, acronym for Pick-Up Artist, literally “pick-up artist”?
“It is a movement that aims to teach men to manipulate women into giving in to their advances – concludes the psychotherapist. – Born in the United States, it is actually also widespread in Italy as demonstrated by the videos found on the web. Among the strategies taught precisely those typical of reverse psychologyof the type ‘if a woman interests you and she is in a group with other women, you pay attention to everyone except her’. In addition to being a worrying phenomenonwe must remember that all this is the exact opposite of what love and relationships between people should be. An exchange of emotions and real content.”
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