International Day of Palliative Care: ‘I try to be there with all the love and attention’

Vogelaar has already assisted about ten families as volunteers. “Dying is a difficult subject. On a birthday you don’t think: gosh, I’m going to say something about that. Still, I think it’s good that we think about it a lot more, precisely to prevent lonely dying. me so sad.”

Vogelaar tells how she once visited a woman who was dying. The woman lay in her chair all day. In the evening she was put to bed by the home care. “But she was alone 90 percent of the time. We’re excited to talk about dying, but we should do that more so people don’t have to die alone anymore.”

Vogelaar visits people who have contacted Acanthis for help. In her own words, she usually comes to give the caregiver ‘some more air’. They can then leave the house to run an errand or visit friends or family.

“Then I just settle down. People usually say: pretend you’re home, we like it so much that you come. Then I grab a book and wait for them to come back, sometimes I have a chat with the client”, says Vogelaar. This is how the first contact with a family often goes. “When the caregiver comes back, I see them come in with a sparkle in their eye. Then I think, oh, this has been good.”

People can experience it as a high threshold to enlist the help of Acanthis, says Vogelaar. “Often they have also promised their father or mother: we are going to take care of you. And then it seems that they fall short.” But once the step has been taken, practice shows that people are especially happy with the arrival of the volunteers. “Then you are always received very warmly, and they immediately admit you into all the sadness. I think that’s very nice.”

“What I noticed is that people are always very open and honest. You are in a situation that can be quite sad and painful because someone who is very dear to you dies. You enter there as a complete stranger and you are warmly welcomed in a very pure way. There is no mask anymore, because people are in their grief. If I can play a part in that, no matter how modest, I think it is extremely valuable.”

When she speaks to the people who are dying, there is not ‘just sadness’. “There is also regular laughter,” emphasizes Vogelaar. They often talk about daily things or watch TV together. “We can laugh about that, as if you were sitting on a terrace. So it is not necessarily heavy at all.”

Many clients have similar concerns, says the volunteer. “When I visit somewhere a little longer, people often say that they find it exciting how the death will go. Of course nobody knows that.” Concerns are also often expressed about the future of the client’s partner or children. How does Vogelaar deal with such complex sorrows? “Then I offer a listening ear”, she simply says.

She especially likes being able to be of significance to the family at ‘such a special moment. “Just by being there. I notice that people are often very grateful, that that extra support is there at that moment. That is a small effort for me and I also get a lot in return.”

Sometimes it can be difficult, says Vogelaar, because she will miss someone she has been in contact with for a long time. “Of course I have to take a breather.” Still, she tries to let it slide when she goes back home. Otherwise it might be harder to keep up, she fears. “I try to be there with all the love and attention, and then let it go.”

According to Vogelaar, it is important that we are there for each other more often. “I think there is a big shortage of that, that we are so busy with our own lives that we don’t always make enough time for it.” She emphasizes that this is not a fault. She is retired herself and says she has time to do this work. “It’s also nice to spend some time with someone else.”

Vogelaar experiences a lot of support from the coordinators of Acanthis. Always after she has been with a client, it is briefly discussed how she experienced that. “As a volunteer you don’t have to do it alone, it is really a super involved organization.”